Story Sensei

Click here for part five If your answers to the previous questions were “yes,” then it’s time to hire a freelance editor. If you’ve gotten feedback, entered contests, studied the craft of writing, finished a book, and done your market research, you have most likely moved from a beginning writer to an intermediate or advanced one. At that point, a freelance editor can use her experience to figure out how to push you to the next level of writing craft. You might have submitted your manuscript to a few agents or editors and gotten some rejections. Sometimes the rejections are form letters, sometimes they’re a little more personal (although it’s still a “no, thank you,” which can be frustrating). Often, your manuscript will get many rejections and while your critique partners are sympathetic, no one can pinpoint why your manuscript keeps getting rejected. Maybe you’re finalling and winning various writing contests (consistently finalling and winning), but you’re still getting rejections f

I blogged at Seekerville yesterday on Blogging for promotion , even if you're not yet published.

I blogged at LaShaunda's blog yesterday on the five main parts of a query letter and give an example of one: How to write a query letter

This article I wrote originally appeared on Suite101. The Factor That Keeps the Character in Trouble Every story needs a firm reason the character can’t just walk away from the story trouble. This is called the story crucible. If a character is able to walk away from the story problem at any time, readers will feel dissatisfied with the story premise. The character needs a solid reason why he struggles on and doesn’t just take the option of giving up. The Crucible Has to be Something Vital at Stake. The character cannot continue with his external goal simply because he’s too stubborn to give it up. There has to be more at stake for him. Someone’s life has to be in danger, whether figuratively or in actuality. It could be the character’s life or it could be someone the character cares for. There’s something vital on the line that can’t be ignored or sacrificed. For example: In the movie and series Buffy the Vampire Slayer , Buffy is the Slayer, the chosen girl who has po

Click here for part four Do you read extensively in the market you’re targeting? For example, if you’re targeting Christian fiction, do you read a lot of Christian fiction? If you’re targeting mass market romance, do you read a lot of mass market romances? If you’re targeting fantasy, do you read a lot of fantasy? If the answer is no, you are definitely not ready to hire a freelance editor. You may not realize it, but freelance editors can really tell when you haven’t read extensively in the market you’re targeting. Whether it’s a particular genre or a particular publishing house you’re targeting, if you haven’t done your research by reading those books, it’s obvious in your writing. For example, I have read manuscripts targeting, say, a Harlequin category romance line, who don’t have the hero and heroine meeting in the first chapter. If the writers read those romance books, they’d know a requirement of the line is for the hero and heroine to meet in the first chapter. I have also read

Click here for part three Have you finished your novel? If the answer is no, then I’d suggest you finish it first before considering hiring a freelance editor. Why? Because there is something that happens in a writer when they complete a manuscript. Finishing a book requires perseverance and dedication. A writer is tested in these things when she writes a novel, and she can only know if she has those qualities when she types, “The End.” This perseverance and dedication is what separates “real writers” from “wannabe writers.” There are also things a writer learns about the writing craft in finishing a novel —the “sagging middle” syndrome, what a rushed ending looks like, the intricacies of tying up all the story threads. A writer who hasn’t experienced these things is still only a beginning writer, and you want to strive to be an intermediate writer before you hire a freelance editor. That way, the critique will be more effective. Getting your entire novel critiqued by your critique pa

This article I wrote originally appeared on Suite101. Why Characters Need Super-Objectives for Their Story Arcs External goals are the backbone of your character’s story arc, and they give the reader something active to follow. But what exactly are external goals, and why are they so important? What is an external goal? This has been called by different things: Super-Objectives, Character Purpose, Character Direction, or simply Goal. They all mean the same thing—your character has an overarching objective/goal/purpose for the book that he is trying to achieve. An external goal has a definite ending —a point at which the character knows when he has either succeeded or failed. It can’t be a vague desire or hope. It has to be a concrete, solid, physical something the character is striving for. In Getting into Character: Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn from Actors , Brandilyn Collins states the character’s Super-Objective in terms of action . A character’s external goal

Read part two here Have you read any writing books, gone to any workshops, taken any classes (whether in person or online)? If the answer is no, then you are not ready to hire a freelance editor. The reason is similar to my answer in part one . Writing craft books, workshops, and classes can take you from a beginning writer to a strong intermediate one. You don’t want to waste your good money in hiring a freelance editor who will point out the basic writing mistakes in your manuscript when you could buy a $15 book and learn that for yourself. What book do you start with? I have a nice list of Books on Writing and a few suggestions in my article, “I want to write a novel and I have no clue what to do!” If you have a hard time learning from books, go to a class. A writer’s conference can be expensive, but the workshops there are usually worth the investment. Auditory learners have lots of options--in addition to conference workshops/classes, there are MP3 classes you can listen to. Rand

Camy here: I didn't even realize my Story Sensei blog wasn't publishing these articles the past month! I thought I'd scheduled them to post, but I had saved them as drafts instead. So here they are--better late than never! Read part one here . Have you submitted your work to contests? If the answer is no, then I would suggest you hold off on hiring a freelance editor. Like critique groups/partners, contests can give you honest (sometimes brutally honest) feedback on your writing to make it stronger. Now be warned, contests are often a crapshoot because you never know if you’re going to get a really good judge or a really bad one. However, for beginning writers, contests can be invaluable because there’s a greater probability that you’ll get judges who are further along the writing journey than you are, and who can give you useful feedback. Granted, sometimes you get that crabby judge who says all kinds of wrong and mean things. But weigh even those judged entries carefully

Zondervan and Mount Hermon Writer's Conference Sponsor Competition for Aspiring Fiction Authors Winner Receives $10,000 Publishing Contract GRAND RAPIDS, Mich., Sept. 3 /Christian Newswire/ -- Unpublished Christian fiction writers, get your manuscripts ready. Zondervan, a world leader in Christian communications, today announced All About the Story, a writing competition for first-time novelists. The winner will receive a $10,000 publishing contract with Zondervan, and all finalists will have their works recognized during the Christian Book EXPO in Dallas in March 2009. Sponsored by Zondervan and Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference, All About the Story is open to any unpublished writer who has attended a past Mount Hermon Writer's conference or who is registered for the 2009 conference . In addition to the opportunity for their work to be published by Zondervan, the winning author will also receive valuable feedback from editors and experienced judges, including bestsell

Hi guys, I didn't even realize that I hadn't been posting here on the Story Sensei for the past few weeks. I thought I'd scheduled Blogger to post, but instead I had saved my posts as drafts and they weren't posting at all. I'll continue my "When should you hire a freelance editor?" series on Friday. Camy

This is a good quote for me as a writer, and I hope it inspires you, too! What a great day it was when I finally came clean with God. My expectations had been wrong. I wanted a great ministry for me. There would be enough glory for God to have some too, of course, but I really wanted it for me . Then I was able to confess it as sin, repent, and turn away from good goals for wrong reasons. I found simply imitating Jesus and leaving the results to God to be the scriptural approach. If God thought my contribution significant, He would arrange a wider hearing. It was not my business to be concerned about it. With this new outlook, obscurity was no threat, and fame no temptation. My reality was better, the anxiety space was closed, and my anxiety receded. -- Anxious for Nothing by Bill Hull (thanks to Cynthia Ruchti for this quote!)

Let’s face it, writing is not for wusses. It involves at least a small financial investment in books, workshops, conferences, equipment, office supplies. Because of that, I have several low-cost services in my Story Sensei service, like the Synopsis critique , Synopsis writing worksheet and Screening critique . But even these services cost money. How do you know at which point you need to hire a freelance editor, whether it’s me or someone else? Are you in a critique group or do you have critique partners? If the answer is no, then you are not yet ready to hire a freelance editor. Critique groups/partners help you grow from a beginning writer to a strong intermediate one. They can help you understand basic things like point of view, showing versus telling, passive verbs, -ly adverbs, proper punctuation/grammar, etc. For example, if you are a beginning writer and you hire me for a manuscript critique, I will point out all the above in your manuscript for you, but I will be so busy poi

Give useful feedback. Don’t just praise the writer and not make any kind of useful comments in a manuscript. That isn’t helpful. Critique groups and partners are meant to help writers grow, not just pat them on the back. You want to be both encouraged and challenged by your group/partner, and encourage and challenge them in return. Good writers always want to be challenged to improve their writing. Even multi-published, best-selling authors are constantly learning new things about their writing craft to improve and grow. Listen to the feedback people give you. What’s the point of being in a critique group if you’re not going to listen to anything people tell you? Be open to hearing things—sometimes hard things—about your writing. Realize that it’s meant to help you become a better writer. And then do something about the things people tell you. Don’t just smile, nod, and go your merry way. Work to improve your writing and make it better because of the feedback you get. On the flip si

What could be better than a book sale? A SALE on BOOKS!! Former editor, agent and a writer of romance herself, Alice Orr is offering her inventory of her 2004 Writer's Digest Book on the used book store at Amazon. No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells (Hardcover) Book Description It's often said that "rejection is a part of the writing business," and aspiring writers are advised to learn to live with being rejected again and again. Not anymore! With the invaluable hints in No More Rejections, readers will learn how to turn "No" into "Yes." Successful literary agent, author, and former editor Alice Orr combines lessons on craft with lessons on marketing to create a series of tips and techniques that help writers think about their book's marketability while they write it. Chapters feature lessons on: *Scoping out salable story ideas *Creating compelling characters *Writing an opening sentence that sizzles *Crafting s

Once you join a critique group or find a critique partner, there are a few things you should keep in mind. Critiquing, just like writing, is a time commitment. If you get feedback on your manuscript, you’re expected to give feedback in return. If your critique partners give fabulous, detailed, valuable feedback, you are expected to also spend as much time giving detailed feedback on their work. It just isn’t fair if your time commitment isn’t the same as the other people in your critique group or your critique partner. Don’t be a leach, and don’t be selfish—give back as much as you receive. Don’t be argumentative. No one likes a whiner. Even more, no one likes a belligerent writer. You can expect to get bad feedback or kicked out of a group if you insist on arguing with your critique partners. Take time after you get a critique to calm down and get some distance (physical and temporal). When you return to it, you might find that the comments are more helpful than you initially though

Finding the right critique partners Finding the right critique partners is kind of like marriage. Lots of dating to find someone (or several people) who fit you best. Try out a group/partners for a few months first. You’ll be able to tell after a while if the group is a good fit for you. You’ll want to match on several different levels: 1) Does the group/your partner submit chapters for critique as often as you do? If they submit more often or less often, it might not be a good fit. You don’t want to spend all your time critiquing several their chapters when they only have to critique one of yours in the same time frame. Similarly, they might resent if you submit many more chapters than they do in a month, and they’re forced to critique more for you than you critique for them. 2) Does your group/partner “get” your writing and are they able to give useful feedback? If your critiquer(s) are giving feedback that is completely off base because they don’t really understand y

Are you in a critique group or do you have critique partners? If you don’t, I strongly suggest you find one. Why do you need a critique group/critique partners? While it’s true that there are several published authors who don’t have critique groups or critique partners, there are far more who do. Writers always can use feedback to help their writing be stronger. They can help you with punctuation or grammar errors, and can help you flag things like passive verbs, telling, backstory, etc. If anything, critique partners help you catch inconsistencies in the story like your heroine’s eyes changing from blue in chapter two to green in chapter fifteen. Or having your hero sprain his ankle in chapter one and it miraculously heals by chapter three. Critiquing other people’s manuscripts can also help you improve your writing skills. In pointing out weak writing in your critique partner’s work, you can also be aware of weak writing in your own. You don’t have to worry about anyone

My friend Tina Russo sent me this devotional she received. I love it--it's so appropriate for writers, whether published or unpublished. And if you're not Christian, well, you don't have to read this post. Camy Waiting on God TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman Sunday, August 10 2008 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30:18 Have you ever noticed that God is not in a hurry? It took 40 years for Moses to receive his commission to lead the people out of Egypt. It took 17 years of preparation before Joseph was delivered from slavery and imprisonment. It took 20 years before Jacob was released from Laban's control. Abraham and Sarah were in their old age when they finally received the son of promise, Isaac. So why isn't God in a hurry? God called each of these servants to accomplish a certain task in His Kingdom, yet He was in no hurr

Sally Stuart posted a great answer to poets who want their work published. Q - Market for Poetry

Today, literary agent Rachel Zurakowski is blogging at Seekerville . She's with the prestigious Books and Such literary agency . She will also be answering questions, so leave a comment and she'll answer you sometime later in the comments.

Originally this article appeared on Gina Conroy's blog , but a few people were deterred because for some reason the page takes a while to load. So here's the article in full. I run a critique service called the Story Sensei, and I’ve also judged a fair number of writing contests through RWA, in addition to coordinating the ACFW Genesis contest. I’ve noticed a few commonalities in the manuscripts I’ve critiqued and judged, and Gina asked me to share. So here is: The top ten mistakes I see in manuscripts: 10) Inadequate use of point of view. I’m not talking about head-hopping. I’m talking about a very distant use of point of view that doesn’t get the reader into the character’s head or feeling the character’s emotions. For a first chapter, especially, this is crucial. If the reader isn’t immediately sucked into the character’s mind and body, if the reader doesn’t care about the character, they’re going to put the book down. This leads to the next mistake: 9) Inadequat

Andy Meisenheimer , editor at Zondervan, posted a great email to the ACFW loop about following or not following "rules" in writing. I asked for permission and he let me repost it here for you guys. He has a lot of good things to say. Craft and Art, or, Are There Rules and Why? Writing is, as all creative media, a mixture of art and craft. Craft is what art is when it becomes codified--that is, when it can be deconstructed and taught. Art is where innovation happens. Craft is where convention resides. There are few artists who aren't first skilled craftsmen. The great artists are those who know how to take craft and transcend convention to create something new. So the task of the budding artist is first and foremost to learn the craft. If you want to build a chair, just winging it, based on feelings and "voice", it will rarely result in a chair that will support a person, last through everyday use and stand up to abuse. Craft is the result of all the artists that

Don't have a synopsis written? You can purchase and download my Synopsis writing worksheet, which will guide you through writing your synopsis. The worksheet exercises will ensure that your synopsis has all the vital elements, including character external goal, internal/spiritual arc, obstacles/conflict, climax, resolution. This is the same information that I teach in my Synopsis writing class. 10/2014: Update: I am in the process of updating and formatting these worksheets to have them available on Kindle, Nook, Kobo, and iBooks! If you bought them before and would like the updated versions, please email me at storysensei@gmail.com with the email address you used when you bought the worksheet (so I can find your order) and I will be happy to email you an .epub or .mobi file of the updated worksheet(s) you bought when they're available. If you would like to be notified when my worksheets will be available as ebook versions, just subscribe to my Story Sensei blog using the F

I’m listening to a workshop given by Christopher Vogler and Michael Hague, and an interesting thing Christopher Vogler mentioned is that often, a writer’s own psychological and social limitations will come out in their writing. If a writer personally doesn’t like women, he can’t write believable women characters in his fiction. If a writer doesn’t have good conversation skills, their dialogue ends up being stilted and unnatural. If a writer tends to be a people-pleaser and only wants everyone to get along, their characters will have very little interpersonal conflict. This is a difficult thing for writers to work on, because there’s often deep-seated psychological or social roots that form the basis of their own limitations, and let’s face it, no one wants to dredge up their own personal pain. However, if you’ve begun to see trends of what your critique partners or contest judges or editors say about your writing, take a long look at yourself. Is there perhaps something within yourself

Shirley Jump guest blogged on Seekerville Wednesday with some terrific examples of showing versus telling. Go check it out! Shirley Jump at Seekerville

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Adelaide found the housekeeper, Mrs. Long, in the kitchen. Adelaide was able to relax around her because Mrs. Long knew she was the mistress’s niece, and she had assured Adelaide she wouldn’t tell a soul. The boldface is all telling. There are two types of telling here: (1) When you write the deep point of view of a character, she wouldn’t think to herself, “I’ll go find the housekeeper, Mrs. Long.” She’d either look for “the housekeeper” or look for “Mrs. Long.” The additional modifiers are purely for the reader’s info, which is telling. This is an easy fix. Use “the housekeeper” and “Mr

Remember that you can say a line of dialogue, but you can’t chuckle, walk, laugh, look, or caress a line of dialogue. You can only speak it. For example: “You look wonderful,” he caressed her shoulder. (wrong) “You look wonderful . ” H e caressed her shoulder. (right) Note the period instead of the comma after “wonderful” and the capitalized H in He in the correct version. “You look wonderful,” he chuckled. (wrong) “You look wonderful . ” H e chuckled. (right) You cannot chuckle and speak at the same time. However, you can: “You look wonderful,” he said. (right) “You look wonderful,” he moaned. (right) “You look wonderful,” he wheezed. (right) “You look wonderful,” he spat. (right) “You look wonderful,” he walked across the room to her. (wrong) “You look wonderful,” he said as he walked across the room to her. (right) “You look wonderful . ” H e walked across the room to her. (right) You cannot “walk” a line of dialogue. “You look wonderful,” he looked in her eyes. (wrong) “You look

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) I just found this great resource called AutoCrit . It analyzes your writing to catch words and phrases repeated and overused in your manuscript. From the contest judging and freelance editing jobs I have done, I know that other writers as well as myself have a tendency to repeat words and/or phrases, not just our “hot words.” For example, “pop” is not a word I use often, but I might write something like: I went to the local mom and pop grocery to grab a soda pop, and then I popped out of town. The free version is very limited and will only catch overused words, repeated phrases, and sentence variation. You can also only submit 800 words 5 times in one day. The paid versions offer more, included repeated words (which would catch the “pop” above), dialogue tags, first words, and names and pronouns. The free version itself is amazing. The cost for the lowest level of membership isn’t bad, just $20 for one year, and it analyzes the th

Brandilyn Collins posted about the opening of a new fiction line at Abingdon Press. I've met the Senior Acquisitions Editor, Barbara Scott, and she's both talented and personable. She has a terrific reputation and I would jump at a chance to work with her. New Fiction Line

I read Susan Meier's 10-Minute Solution several years ago and was struck with how logical and effective it was. Susan was at Seekerville on Monday talking about her 10-minute solution . This is a MUST for any busy writer to check out!

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) I really liked this blog post by ProBlogger about how he uses a techy “batch processing” concept to organize his day and be more efficient. I think this can really apply to writers because we deal with similar things—writing our manuscripts, checking emails, keeping up with email loops, blogging (some of us), reading writing books and/or articles (something each writer should be doing on a regular basis), listening to writing MP3 workshops (if you can afford it). Check out the article and let me know what you think: How Batch Processing Made Me 10 Times More Productive

I posted on Seekerville a few weeks ago on backstory (spotting it and how to fix it), but didn't post it at the time because I didn't want to interrupt my Show/Tell example series. So here it is: Backstory

One reason that people give for “telling” is one that I don’t like, although some of you might not agree with me. Some people use “telling” because they say they don’t have the word count for “showing.” For example, many category books are shorter, and some authors say they have to tell in order to make the book hit their lower word count. I don’t agree (but some of you might not feel the same way). While it’s true that showing often has a larger word count, there are more creative ways to show that will match the word count of a section of telling. Also, a lot of times, the story doesn’t need that section of telling at all. I’ve seen many manuscripts with telling where the information isn’t necessary for the reader to understand and enjoy the story. Or maybe the information can be snuck with in a phrase or sentence later in the manuscript where it's more pertinent to the current action. My suggestion is that before you decide to “tell” something, ask yourself or your crit partn

Sometimes you want to deliberately distance the reader from the character or action. It might be a decision you make based on pacing or emotional flow or simply word and sentence cadence. In that case, go ahead and tell. But make sure you have a good reason in your own mind for telling. Why hadn’t he asked her for her phone number? (showing) versus She wondered why he hadn’t asked her for her phone number. (telling) No, she didn’t want to think about it. Too painful. In the first example, the question is very blunt and emotional. In the second example, I chose to keep the reader distanced from the emotion because the character herself is trying to distance herself from the emotion. The telling achieves the same sort of emotional distance or denial that the character is going through. So, if you have a reason for telling, go for it. Sometimes it’s more effective.

Another reason is if the action isn’t emotionally important . The reader doesn’t need to read detail if it’s not important for the story. For example, the reader doesn’t need to read every step as Joe walks into his bathroom, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, shaves, etc. “Joe got ready for work” is sufficient. Another example is when a character is telling another character what happened to him. Since we as the reader already know all the events he’s relating, we don’t need to read his dialogue telling his friend. Jason Bourne related everything to other agent as he tied him up and set the house to blow up. In the example above, we also didn’t need to follow all of Bourne’s actions as he rigged the house, because it’s not emotionally important. However, what if the agent has information to impart while Bourne is telling the agent what happened to him? What if the agent can explain why so-and-so shot at Bourne, why such-and-such agency never existed, etc.? In that case, show the compl

Janet Kobobel Grant runs Books 'n Such literary agency (where my agent works) and she's blogging at Fiction Matters about Razzle-Dazzle Titlest .

Telling isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s preferable. However, you ought to have a darn good reason to tell. One reason could be to telescope time . If you’re skipping from one place to another, or one time to another, that’s where telling is good. Say Joe has been arrested and then in the next scene, he’s talking to his jailmate. It’s okay to tell in a sentence or two what happened in between. The reader doesn’t need to know all that detail, and it’s useful for letting the reader know that time has elapsed. The police slapped the handcuffs on him. Exactly forty-two minutes later, after being slightly roughed around by the cops who processed him, Joe turned to his bunk mate with a casual, “Got a smoke?” Or Joe got on the plane, flew to San Jose, and rented a car. Two hours and one accident during rush hour later, he arrived at Amelia’s house, ready to break some heads. Here, we didn’t need to see everything Joe did on the plane, in renting the car, in sitting in traffic. We jus

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She wanted to call her sister to cry over the phone, but she shouldn’t. Tonight was Sherri’s birthday, and she knew Sherri’s husband was going to give her a diamond pendant as a present. Here, you’re “telling” the reader about why she can’t call her sister, but sometimes a little mystery is good for the reader, to pique their interest and keep them reading. Also, if you’re in the character’s deep point of view, she wouldn’t “tell” herself why she can’t call her sister, she’d already know and would only mention it in a way that would be cryptic for anyone not in the know. For example: She could call Sherri, have a good cry … No. She’d ruin ev

I'm a big fan of Pyromarketing by Greg Stielstra , because he gives great advice that can be applied to marketing fiction. He blogged about a new book (not written by him) on word of mouth marketing. The best part is, the .pdf download of the book is free! Word of Mouth Marketing

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She chewed on her hair, an old habit of hers that she was trying to break. The second half of that sentence is “telling” the reader about her old habit. There’s a more active way to “show” it by incorporating her emotions into it. For example: She caught herself chewing her hair and dragged it out of her mouth. Nasty habit. Why couldn’t she break it? In the example, I’ve delved deeper into her point of view and “shown” the same information in a more active, emotional way. This might seem like a rather trivial example for “telling,” but think about if you changed all these instances throughout your manuscript. The small changes made would con

Ronie Kendig has an interesting interview with literary agent Steve Laube on her blog, talking about agent expectations and conferences, specifically the upcoming 2008 ACFW conference: Agent Steve Laube on the ACFW Conference

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rushed out of the elevator and bumped Sherri’s arm. “Sorry,” she mumbled. But Sherri made an exasperated sound. “Just sorry?” Gloria paused. She was in a hurry, but she couldn’t afford to antagonize her, because Sherri would make her life miserable. Gloria turned with a plastic smile. “I’m so sorry. Can I help you carry those files?” The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about antagonizing Sherri. Granted, it’s only a sentence, and because it’s short, you could keep it in and it wouldn’t be bad. But even a sentence can “burp” the reader out of the reading flow because it’s a sentence of “telling” narrative. There’s a more vibra

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She arrived at her parents’ home, which always reminded her of a gingerbread house . The italicized phrase is “telling” the reader what the house looks like. Instead, why not “show” the reader her emotional reaction to the house while you describe it? It would make a more vibrant way of “showing” the same information. For example: She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that made her want to gag at the sweetness. or She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that lifted her spirits as if she were on a sugar rush. In the examples, the character’s emotions are incorporated in the descriptio

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She admired the rows of Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, her only extravagance . The italicized phrase is “telling.” Now before you start screaming that it’s short (after all, it’s only three words), think about it—if you eliminate as much “telling” from your manuscript as possible, the vibrancy of the writing as a whole goes up a notch. Instead of “telling” the reader about how Ferragamo shoes are her only extravagance at that point, save it for when it’s vital to the current action. For example: She slowed as she passed the Neimann Marcus shoe section. Oh, that black leather one … No, she shouldn’t—she’d bought a pair of Ferragamo’s only two weeks

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” So amazing that it had ruined Jeannie’s peaceful breakfast. She had a half-brother in New Orleans that she’d never even known existed before. He had written and wanted to meet her, now that their feuding parents were both gone. The second paragraph is “telling.” Granted, it’s short—which might be a good enough reason to keep it as is—but there’s also a more vibrant way of “showing” this with dialogue. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” “Amazing enough to ruin my breakfast.” Jeannie toyed with her cold toast. “What are you talki

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell me what your Mama told you.” Just like Jeannie to be straight to the point. She’d always been that way, even in grade school. Sometimes her directness was a bit tactless and got her in trouble. Amy was so unlike Jeannie—tender-hearted to the point of not wanting to hurt anybody’s feelings. The entire second paragraph is telling. What information in that paragraph does the reader absolutely need to know for the current scene? Also, the first sentence in the paragraph is extraneous—you already show her directness by her line of dialogue. Here’s a better example. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell m

I have added a new service to my Story Sensei critique business! Screening Critique I now offer an inexpensive partial manuscript critique that you can choose first to find out if you’d like to hire me for your full manuscript. My Screening Critique is one of four options: (a) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript for $40. (b) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript for $75. (c) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $60 ($40 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). (d) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $95 ($75 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). After the critique, if you decide you would like to hire me for your full manuscript, you can send me the rest of your manuscript and I will give you a discount off the cost of the full manuscript critique—$40 or $75, or whatever the cost of your Screening Critique. The Screening Critique is a good way to determine if you like my editin

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rocked back and forth on the porch swing. Her family had moved into this house when Daddy carried Mama over the threshold. She’d broken this swing a few times by jumping on it, her brother had dug a hole under the front porch, and her sister had painted flowers along the white-washed railings. The neighbors were friendly and the tree-lined street cool in summertime. Her backyard ran against a giant meadow that belonged to some development company. The second paragraph is all “telling” information about her family and her house. Does the reader absolutely need to know all that information right at that moment in the story? If not, then cut i

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She stared at the funeral wreath, full of white lilies. She remembered Daddy’s garden, thriving with lush red roses and golden daffodils. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about a remembrance. The question to ask is, does the reader absolutely need to know the information about Daddy’s garden right at that moment? If no, then cut it. If they do need to know the info, there’s a more active and emotional way to “show” it. For example: The cloying scent of the funeral wreath made her stomach heave and her throat gag. Daddy would have hated it. Lilies had had no place in his garden among the more stately roses and cheerful daffodils. It f

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She didn’t cry as Mama yelled at her. She had learned that tears only made her scream louder. The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about her past experience. (Actually, the “as Mama yelled at her” is also “telling” and extraneous because you “show” Mama yelling in the previous paragraph.) There’s a more active and emotional way to “show” this. For example: ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She mustn’t cry. She mustn’t. She screwed her eyes shut, but a tear squeezed

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She looked out at the high school. Three years ago, she’d been secretary there, and now she was secretary for the intermediate school instead. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about the character. This information is the kind of thing that could probably be more actively “shown” in dialogue. For example: (This conversation might be something that comes later in the story) He took her hand. “Why don’t you come work for me at the high school?” She pulled her hand away. “Nuh-uh. I already did that.” “Huh?” “I was secretary at the high school three years ago. Now I’m at the intermediate school.” “So I’m three years too late.” His flirtat

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She had almost been kil—no, she had to stop thinking about it. Her hands shook as she cleaned up the spilled juice from the counter. She tended to be a little obsessive-compulsive, putting things in order, cleaning things up as soon as the mess happened. If anything was even a little out of place, she had to straighten it or she couldn’t concentrate. She used her fidgeting now to calm herself. Pretty much everything after the second sentence is “telling.” Rather than “telling” the reader about her personality, it would be more vivid to “show” it to them through her actions and thoughts. For example: She had almost been kil—no, she had to sto