Story Sensei

I’ve had a couple people ask me about scene goals. Basically, your point of view character should have something they need to accomplish when they walk into that scene. It could have something to do with the character’s External Goal, or it could not. For example, Grissom needs to find Sarah, who’s been kidnapped by the psycho miniature killer (bear with me, I just watched the season premier of CSI). This is his External Goal. But when he goes into the interrogation room to question the suspect, his scene goal is to get the psycho killer to tell him where Sarah is. (For you CSI fans, you know he doesn’t get his information and he fails his scene goal, but he hasn’t failed his Story Goal. Yet.) Here’s an example from Single Sashimi , the third book in my Sushi series (I just turned in the macro edits for this puppy, so it’s fresh in my mind): My heroine Venus is on her way to her cousin’s house to indulge in chocolate truffles. Her determination to have chocolate within the next hour is

When you start a book or any new scene, you’re setting your reader down in a completely new place, often in a new time, sometimes with a new character. Make your point of view character, time, and place obvious in the first couple paragraphs. You don’t need long descriptions of the new room the heroine is in, or to tell the reader that we’re now in the hero’s head, or to let the reader know that six months have passed. These things can be conveyed with a well-chosen phrase that immediately triggers a certain picture in the reader’s head. For example, say the previous scene ended at night in the hero’s POV. ### A girl could choke on the cholesterol in the air. She stood in the doorway to the diner, cringing beneath the sticky cloud of bacon grease mingled with the perfume of over-cooked eggs and maple syrup. The reader immediately knows it’s (a) the heroine, (b) a greasy diner, and (c) the next morning. Go through your manuscript and look at scene openings. Can you add a well-chosen sen

DON’T CREATE SCENE BREAKS JUST SO YOU CAN CHANGE POVS BACK AND FORTH. Yes, I’m yelling. I’ve seen this done often in both contest entries and even in published books—the writer will insert a scene break, continue the scene in the second character’s POV for a page or two, then insert another scene break and continue the scene back in the first character’s POV. Here’s an extreme example: Eat and leave. That’s all she had to do. If Grandma didn’t kill her first for being late. Lex Sakai raced through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and was immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. She tripped over the threshold and almost turned her ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, she hated wearing heels. Her cousin Chester sat behind a small table next to the open doorway. “Hey Chester.” ### “Oooh, you’re late.” As usual , but Chester wasn’t about to actually say that to his cousin. She might bop him in the nose. “Grandma isn’t going to be happy.

Switch character point of views at scene changes, not within a scene. While it’s not technically wrong to do one POV switch in a scene, it is very jarring to the modern-day reader. Readers ten years ago probably wouldn’t care as much, but the trend these days in publishing is one POV per scene. As a reader yourself, notice if there’s a POV change in the middle of a scene. Does it jar you, even just a little? You absolutely don’t want to pull the reader out of the story world even a little. Eat and leave. That’s all she had to do. If Grandma didn’t kill her first for being late. Lex Sakai raced through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and was immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. She tripped over the threshold and almost turned her ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, she hated wearing heels. Her cousin Chester sat behind a small table next to the open doorway. “Hey Chester.” “Oooh, you’re late.” As usual , but Chester wasn’t about

I’m a big proponent of Dwight Swain’s Scene and Sequel concept because I’m a psychology major, and I’ve read a few books that explained why Scene and Sequel works so well psychologically in readers. It all makes sense to me that our brains are geared a certain way, and Scene and Sequel resonate with most people psychologically, which is why they’re so effective. However, when you transition to a Sequel, make sure you keep up some type of conflict or tension in the scene. This is something Swain doesn’t mention, but Donald Maass recommends constant tension and conflict in order to keep the reader reading, and that applies to the more reflective Sequels in your novel. The conflict or tension doesn’t have to be something major, but just something minor as a thread throughout the scene. It can even help form that rise at the end of the Sequel. For example, in chapter three of Sushi for One , Lex has a Scene where she finally is able to ask this guy out on a date. In the following Sequel i

End each scene/chapter with a hook sentence or paragraph, just like your opening. This is sometimes referred to as a “rise.” If you are using good scene structure (which you should be doing like a good writer), you’ll be following Dwight Swain’s Scene and Sequel pattern, which naturally gives you a rise at the end of every scene or sequel. This keeps the reader reading, because it presents something surprising or curious at the end of the scene, and they want to find out what happens next! “Just a few more pages …” Aaaah, music to a writer’s ears. “It’s gonna be okay, Mom.” She wrapped her arms around her son. As far as she was concerned, things couldn’t get much worse. Then a beam of light sliced through the darkness as someone pushed the front door open. Nowhere to Hide by Debby Giusti Back out on the porch, she lifted the shotgun and said, “Come any closer and I’ll shoot you.” Buried Secrets by Margaret Daley I glanced out the [plane] window a final time. Saginaw, M

Start each scene/chapter with a hook sentence. You can also have a hook paragraph if the paragraph isn’t too long. This is not just for the opening sentence of a book—use this technique for the opening of every scene. Something mysterious, curious, dangerous, ominous. Grab the reader’s attention from the get-go. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen “Saints above, girl. What are you doing here?” the shackled man hissed. A Bride Most Begrudging by Deeanne Gist It was not the rock—it was never the rock; it was the air. In High Places by Tom Morrisey A dead man spoke to her from the shadows. The Dead Whisper On by T.L. Hines It was raining the night he found me. Demon: a Memoir by Tosca Lee “Move and you’re dead.” Buried Secrets by Margaret Daley Rule for Women Ministers No. 1: Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain on church premises—especially on the Monday morning after E

Flashbacks can be great things because they show backstory in real time, versus just narrative (which is “telling” rather than “showing”). However, they tend to slow the reading flow—either with the content of the flashback or the initial transition into the flashback. So you have to place and use flashbacks very judiciously. 1—Be careful about WHEN you go into flashback. Since the transition will slow the reading flow, specifically time your flashback for when you want to create a lull in the reading pace, maybe after a tense or conflicted scene. 2—Be careful about HOW you go into flashback. The best thing is to have the flashback triggered by a very significant event in the story. Don’t just morph into a flashback from a scene that’s already meandering, or else you could lose reader interest. 3—Make the flashback as CONFLICTED and TENSE as you can. The transition is already going to slow the reading pace, so make the flashback powerful and vivid to keep the reading flow going smoothl

Sometimes a scene will seem flat. It might be because you need to add more emotion to the scene. The richness of physical description, character actions, dialogue, thoughts. In his book, Techniques of the Selling Writer , the very first thing Dwight Swain talks about is emotion , because it’s one of the important aspects of fiction writing. No matter if you write action, women’s fiction, suspense, or chick lit, emotion is the key factor in any scene. Whether it’s your hero’s dogged determination and rush of adrenaline as he runs from an exploding oil refinery, or it’s your heroine’s angst and frustration at her matchmaking, meddling mother. Emotion is what drives the character, and rivets the reader to the action or drama on the page. When you read your scene, what emotions do you feel? What emotions do you want to feel? Focus on the emotion and write it—write what matters to you, what you want the reader to care about. Ramp up the emotion in your scene to give it depth and vitality.

In first person POV, especially, writers have a great deal of narrative and internal thoughts. While that narrative tends to have some conflict in it, too much narrative means less movement in the scene. And you can’t really substitute true conflict (action and dialogue) with the conflict in a long paragraph of internal thought—the scene drags and meanders. I look at the call waiting. It’s my mother. Mom has this annoying habit of calling right when I’m about to watch CSI . Even though I’ve told her again and again that she can’t call on this particular night at this particular time, she blithely ignores me. I might as well be talking to the cat. And at least the cat answers with a polite meow. Mother barely acknowledges I’ve spoken, much less what I’ve said. All this narrative is more “telling” than “showing.” Instead of all this internal thought, why not show the information in action and dialogue? I look at the call waiting. It’s my mother. I stab the TALK button. “Mom, it’s CSI ni

In a lot of the chick lit entries I judge in contests, first person POV is not done very well. Since the reader is reading first person, the reader should actually be in the character’s skin and experiencing the scene through them. People like writing first person POV because it’s easy—but it’s actually rather difficult to write with power and vibrancy. While each writer has different strengths and weakness, in general, the entries I judge lack enough conflict and action. Not much happens, and there isn’t a lot of tension. In first person POV, this is a common problem because it’s so easy to fall into internal thoughts and narrative instead. “Do you want a cookie?” I hand the plate to Amelia. She’s a size two. I wish I was a size two. I eye a couple of the chocolate-laden golden-brown goodies. Just one won’t hurt me. Amelia glances at the plate, then goes back to sorting through her charm collection. “No, thanks. I’m not hungry.” Her charms fascinate me. She’s had some for generations

One of the best things I got out of the seminar taught by New York agent Donald Maass is to add tension to absolutely every single sentence in your manuscript. I can see some of you gaping. Close your mouth. It’s true. He had us pick a random page in our manuscripts and then pick a random paragraph. We had to add some sort of tension to every sentence in the paragraph—whether internal or external. It changed the energy of the writing immediately. I could see that just from that one paragraph. I changed the tension in every sentence on the page, and the difference astounded me. The scene was so much more charged, crackling with energy and vitality. Basically, it increases the level of conflict in the scene, and conflict is what keeps a reader reading. Conflict keeps a reader’s interest. While we like to avoid conflict in real life, in fiction, it’s gold. You don’t have to remember to add tension to every sentence in your rough draft—just lay the words down. Don’t think too much or analy

Your scene should climax both in terms of plot and emotion. It should start with a protagonist with a scene goal—what he wants to accomplish in that scene. His emotional starting point is determination, a plan of action. Next, you throw obstacles in the protagonist’s path so he can’t get his goal. This builds frustration, anxiety, sadness. Up your character’s emotional state. Build the obstacles to become more and more difficult. At the same time, build the character’s emotional intensity. Go from frustration to anger, or anxiety to panic, or sadness to depression. At last, deliver a final blow—a disaster at the end of the scene. This will also be the height of your character’s emotions. Ride it for all it’s worth. By building the character emotions, you also build your reader’s emotions for the character. Take your reader on an emotional ride, and they won’t be able to stop turning the pages.

This is a fabulous article by Pat Holt which gives easy fixes for writers doing revisions. What’s even better is that she discusses these fixes so that a writer who hires an editor doesn’t pay the editor to do these fixes for him/her. Ten Mistakes Writers Don't See (But Can Easily Fix When They Do)

I love martial arts movies and action flicks. So naturally I'd write action scenes. I discovered that it takes a slightly different writing style. These are some of the things I learned, although this list isn't exhaustive by any means. Action-Reaction A fight scene is always Action-Reaction. He punches, she staggers back. She kicks, he blocks and swings a fist at her. Watch out for putting your reaction before your action: She staggered back when he slammed his fist into her shoulder. The rule of thumb is to have each action-reaction have its own paragraph, although that’s not always possible. Sometimes the sentences are too short for their own paragraphs and can be combined. It’s up to the writer how to format it: He swung a roundhouse punch. She bent backward and felt his knuckles swish past her nose. versus: He swung a roundhouse punch. She bent backward and felt his knuckles swish past her nose. Short sentences = fast reading flow Use short sentences and phrases to make re

This article came out of the contests I've judged. These are some of the common things I see in most entries when it comes to hooks, description and backstory. Starting with description--pros and cons. There are two camps about starting a scene with description: 1) Most historical writers and some sci-fi/fantasy writers like the whole idea of the novel like a movie camera, panning into the scene and describing the setting in detail to place the reader there before anything starts to happen. 2) Most suspense/mystery writers tend to start with action, and to give details of the surroundings and what's happening through subtle hints in the dialogue or narrative. Each method can be done poorly. If you spend too much time setting the scene or if you don't do it well enough, an editor won't get past the first page because it's too boring--nothing going on. On the other hand, if you land the reader in the middle of action but don't do a good enough job orienting the re

The Larger Picture and the Smaller Picture, part 2 The Smallest Picture: Motivation Reaction Units Now let's look at the smallest picture in your story: the Motivation Reaction unit. Events in your story can be broken down into a cause, followed by an effect. A "motivating stimulus" followed by a "character reaction." Motivation: 1) Pick your motivating stimulus carefully. It should be significant to the character--her personality and/or goal will influence what she notices around her. It should also be pertinent for the plotline--your reader will assume every stimulus is important for the story. 2) The stimulus should require your character's immediate action. Reaction: 1) It should be a reactive feeling, a chosen action, and/or specific words spoken. Not all reactions need to include all three (feeling, action, speech), but at the very least, your character's actions and/or speech should indicate her reactive feeling. Emotion is key.

The basic structure of a story consists of a Scene, followed by a Sequel. A Scene is a real-time unit of conflict. A Sequel is the transition period that links two Scenes. A Scene moves your story forward by changing your character’s situation. A Scene has three parts: 1) Goal Your character should enter the Scene wanting something specific and concrete . The character’s goal should be short-range and urgent for that moment in time. It could be a material object-- Man enters shop to buy a watch . It could be something immaterial but still specific-- Man enters shop to ask shopgirl on a date , or Man enters shop to kill the man who stole his car. It could also be a goal to resist some force-- Man enters shop to prevent rival from dating his girl. No meandering motivations. Your character should want the goal badly enough that he’ll fight for it. If your character doesn’t care about his goal, your reader won’t. Keep the point of view consistent. Also, the point of view ch

The basic structure of a story consists of a Scene, followed by a Sequel. A Scene is a real-time unit of conflict. A Sequel is the transition period that links two Scenes. A Sequel controls the story’s tempo by slowing things down after the conflict in the previous Scene. It’s a primarily emotional segment. You can skip or compress time rather than laying out action blow-by-blow. A Sequel has three parts: 1) Reaction Show the character’s state of affairs and state of mind after the Disaster of the previous Scene. Disaster: John is thrown out of the shop by his rival, in front of Mary. Reaction: John cycles from embarrassment to insecurity to despair to anger. Also show other characters’ responses to the Disaster. Reaction: John’s buddy Mike says he’s a big fat loser. Flashback should never go in a Scene because it will slow the pace and drop tension, but a Sequel is the perfect place to show your character’s background, what has molded him into the person he is. Reac

Beginning is three things: Desire, Danger, Decision. a. Where to start Start the story with Danger--trouble, change, a day that's different. You want to briefly show the character's existing situation--his normal life, what constitutes happiness to the character. This is his Desire. Then show a change in that situation, a new element, relationship, event--Danger. It should set off a chain reaction of events that influences or affects someone--and not necessarily the protagonist. Faced with the change and himself (or someone close to him) who is affected by the change, the character makes a decision to do something about it. It should be something the character can't just walk away from, something that spurs him to dedicated, focused action. This is his Decision. b. How to open There are many ways to open, and each has problems. You have to choose which one you prefer to tackle: If you open too far ahead of the initial change, or Danger, and you might bore th