Story Sensei

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. This example is from my own proposal. It’s an Inspirational romantic suspense. (From Jorge's point of view) Jorge explained, “My brother still visits some of his old friends to try to get them to come to church with him.” “Oh.” Her eyes skittered away as she renewed her vigor in sweeping. She had never been comfortable talking about her faith. They’d rarely talked about God when they were dating, but she had said she was a strong Christian. The last paragraph is all telling. There’s a more dynamic and interesting way to show this information, plus you can use this as a way to deepen the point of view. I decided to anchor the information in...

This article that I wrote originally appeared on Suite101. Finding “Telling” and Fixing It How to Show Instead of Tell Here are some tips for identifying when a novelist “tells” instead of “shows” and how to fix it. Many times, writers hear the injunction, “Show, don’t tell.” But how to know when you’re “telling” instead of showing, and what do you do about it? Finding “Telling” “Telling” is always difficult for writers to discover in their own writing, so a writer shouldn’t be discouraged if he can’t see it during revisions. There are many online articles to explain “showing” versus “telling,” including this one which lists examples of “showing” and “telling.” Be aware that there are some instances where “telling” is needed rather than showing. However, in many cases, the “telling” is unnecessary and should be “shown” instead. Critique partners are good resources for pointing out “telling” in a manuscript. An objective outside reader will usually be able to find “t...

Camy here: Since so many people asked me to, I ran a series of blog posts with examples about when it was better to tell rather than show. This is a compilation of those blog posts. If I post additional examples, I'll just add them to this article. Also, remember, these are not hard and fast rules about when to show and when to tell. Please do not take these examples as such. Ultimately, it's up to you as the writer since it's YOUR manuscript. Utilize whatever is best for your writing voice, the rhythm and pacing you're aiming for, or the atmosphere you're trying to obtain. For examples of "telling," see this article. Telling isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s preferable. However, you ought to have a darn good reason to tell. One reason could be to telescope time . If you’re skipping from one place to another, or one time to another, that’s where telling is good. Say Joe has been arrested and then in the next scene, he’s talking to his jailmate. It...

Many of you have seen the “Show, don’t tell” rule in writing articles and books. Basically, you want to “show” the reader the character’s emotions, not “tell” the reader the emotions the character is feeling. “Telling” tends to be distant point of view , which distances the reader from the character’s emotions. “Showing” involves your reader in what’s going on. It’s active and also concrete or tangible. The descriptions are usually more vivid and evoke emotion in the reader. Rather than telling information, show it through the character’s emotional reactions to something that happens in real time. Telling versus showing is a common mistake for writers because, at heart, we’re all storytellers, and that’s how storytellers “tell” a story. However, for writing fiction, you’d rather “show” the reader the action and make the reader an active participant in the events playing out. Put it this way: Like the audience of a play, the reader sees the characters acting and moving about on...

I admit, I'm prone to info dumps in my dialogue, especially in my first drafts, and I have to edit them out in my revisions. I wrote this article, which originally appeared on Suite101, with some of my tips and tricks. Avoid Info Dumps in Dialogue Strengthen Your Dialogue By Eliminating Telling Eliminating the Info Dump in dialogue will create mystery that keeps your reader riveted while strengthening the prose. In publishing days long past, it wasn’t uncommon to find a character who starts a line of dialogue with the infamous, “As you know ...” For example: Gerald walked into the living room and announced, “Phillip, our mother is at the door. As you know, she ran off twenty years ago with the family lawyer and we haven’t heard from her since.” Today’s readers and publishing industry has moved toward eliminating this technique, which is “telling” and not “showing” the story to the reader. Emulate Real Life In real life, people don’t need to remind their listeners ...

Originally this article appeared on Gina Conroy's blog , but a few people were deterred because for some reason the page takes a while to load. So here's the article in full. I run a critique service called the Story Sensei, and I’ve also judged a fair number of writing contests through RWA, in addition to coordinating the ACFW Genesis contest. I’ve noticed a few commonalities in the manuscripts I’ve critiqued and judged, and Gina asked me to share. So here is: The top ten mistakes I see in manuscripts: 10) Inadequate use of point of view. I’m not talking about head-hopping. I’m talking about a very distant use of point of view that doesn’t get the reader into the character’s head or feeling the character’s emotions. For a first chapter, especially, this is crucial. If the reader isn’t immediately sucked into the character’s mind and body, if the reader doesn’t care about the character, they’re going to put the book down. This leads to the next mistake: 9) Inadequat...

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Adelaide found the housekeeper, Mrs. Long, in the kitchen. Adelaide was able to relax around her because Mrs. Long knew she was the mistress’s niece, and she had assured Adelaide she wouldn’t tell a soul. The boldface is all telling. There are two types of telling here: (1) When you write the deep point of view of a character, she wouldn’t think to herself, “I’ll go find the housekeeper, Mrs. Long.” She’d either look for “the housekeeper” or look for “Mrs. Long.” The additional modifiers are purely for the reader’s info, which is telling. This is an easy fix. Use “the housekeeper” and “Mr...

(This was originally posted on another blog, but I reposted it here.) Backstory, for me, is any kind of “telling” about something that happened at any time but the present moment of the story. For one, the “telling” aspect of backstory jolts me right out of that lovely fictional dream. Most of the time, “telling” backstory also disrupts some really interesting dialogue and I don’t want to read some paragraph of narrative—I want to get back to the conversation! For example: She opened the door. “Jake.” The name burst from her mouth, almost like an expletive. Her blood pulsed at the base of her throat, blocking her windpipe with its rapid-fire tempo. She was going to pass out—she gasped in a bolus of air. He smiled, highlighting the dimple on his left cheek. “Hey, darling.” He leaned more against the doorframe so that he towered over her. She shuddered, but couldn’t get her feet to move backward. “What are you doing here?” “Come to see my favorite girl.” He acted as if ...