Story Sensei

This is the last post of my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part ten. Use that first page with a query letter Now, many people advise not to put anything into an envelope with a query letter except for the query letter. This is good, safe, and proper. But if you are a trifle daring, why not include your first page? After all, if you’ve spent all this time working on it and revising it and making every word count. It ought to be so fantastic that an editor skimming that page will shout, “I must read the rest of this novel!” If you plan to include the first page with your query letter, that should also spur you to put more time and effort into that first page to make it worthy of that brief glance. After all, you’ll only get that one chance. Utilize your critique partners Every piece of writing could use another set of eyes to catch errors, or tell you if something you thought was clear as a bell is actually a bit muddled. Take advantage of friends to go o

This is the last post of my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part nine. Proofread that page with a fine tooth comb After you’ve worked on that first page to set up the story, showcase your writer’s voice, and wow the editor reading it, give it to your most detail-oriented critique partners or a freelance editor (like moi —sorry, I couldn’t resist some blatant self-promotion) to correct any typos, grammar errors, or punctuation errors. You do NOT want your first page to have an error on it. Nothing spells “unprofessional” like an error on the very first page . The editor or agent will see that one little error and it will negatively tinge his/her impression of the entire manuscript and of your writing. You don’t want even a slightly negative thought to enter the editor’s mind as he reads. You don’t want even a question of your professionalism to niggle at the agent’s brain as she scans that first page. Now, I’m not saying that an error means an automatic r

This article I wrote originally appeared on Suite101. Beginnings To Avoid Three Things That Weaken a Story Opening There are three aspects of a character's actions and decisions that can weaken the first chapters of an otherwise good story. There are many ways to start a story, and no "right" or "wrong" way. However, there are a few principles to follow that can help strengthen a novel's beginning. Here are three character traits that a writer should avoid in the first chapters. The Character Doesn't Decide to Fight. The phrase, coined by Dwight Swain, means that the character doesn't make that Decision which starts the story . If a character doesn't commit himself to his external goal: 1) the character seems passive, which makes him unsympathetic to the reader. 2) the beginning seems to drag, which might lose reader interest. 3) the reader has no reason commit to the story if the character isn't committed himself. Star

This article that I wrote originally appeared on Suite101. The Decision That Starts the Story Knowing How and Where to Begin Your Novel Start your story in such a way that the reader has to buy the book to keep reading. The beginning of a book is where the writer hooks the reader and reels him in. The opening page makes the reader keep reading, and then the end of the chapter is what gets him to buy the book. While that opening page is key, so is the end of that chapter. Avoid Long, Dragging Beginnings A long beginning will sometimes deter a reader browsing in the bookstore because the beginning may be indicative of the entire book. The reader wants to know what the book will be about, what it will be like, and they don't have hours in front of the bookshelf. They will want to know quickly. Therefore, as a writer, start as you mean to go on. Create the same climate in the beginning as you do for the entire book. Most importantly, don't make the beginning drag

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part eight. Make every word count This goes back to how you only have one page to hook an editor. If that editor isn’t hooked by that first page, he or she will move the entire manuscript to the Reject pile without even bothering to go to page two. That being the case, you should expend considerable effort to not have any useless words on that first page. Make every description juicy and unique, without any “throw-away” words or phrases. Make every line of dialogue snappy and emotional, without unnecessary tags or adverbs. Make every sentence concise and precise—nothing meandering or vague or fluffy. Introduce your character with clear but unique descriptors, whether in dialogue or by action. Don’t waste time with backstory and “telling” the reader what’s happening—suck the reader in to “show” them what’s happening as it happens to the character. Dwight Swain has an entire chapter in his book Techniq

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part seven. Reveal your voice When I have talked to editors and agents, they always tell me that the first thing they noticed about their clients/authors is the writer’s voice. Voice is what jumped out at them from the very first page. Voice is what captured them and compelled them to keep reading. If you’re not sure about your own writer’s voice, it’s really worth it to spend some time developing it. Voice is something that can be learned. I wrote a series of blog posts with some good exercises for developing your writer’s voice. I compiled them all into one blog article here: Developing Your Writer’s Voice Back to your first page. Utilize those opening paragraphs to showcase your unique voice. Your voice will grab the editor by the throat and make them keep reading past that first page. The great thing about voice is that you don’t have to alter the story to add voice. It’s there in how you show th

Ever wonder why you hear that it's "taboo" to include backstory in the first chapter of a novel? I always did, too, until I discovered some psychological reasons why it's best to keep it out of the first chapter for the modern reader. I wrote an article, which originally appeared on Suite101. Save the Backstory For Later Why Not to Present Backstory in the First Chapter There are three reasons why it’s usually best for a writer not to include backstory in a novel’s first chapter. Writers often hear the advice to not include backstory or the character’s past history within the first chapter of the story. Many balk at this. After all, a character’s backstory explains things, makes the character’s actions make more sense. Otherwise, the reader will be confused or, worse, dislike the protagonist for his actions because there’s no explanation for this aberrant behavior. Also, backstory sets the stage for future conflict. Past secrets often cause problems for t

I wrote this article, which originally appeared on Suite101, on introducing a character in your novel. The Basics of Introducing a Character A Few Main Points For When a Character Steps on the Page Three things to remember when introducing a character, whether the main character or a minor one. Whenever a character makes a “first appearance” in the novel, there are three things a novelist should remember when writing the scene. Create a Strong, Quick First Impression Ideally, the novelist wants the character onstage quickly, without a long paragraph of description. Give a strong first impression without a lot of detail—simply a phrase to anchor the character in the reader’s mind. Here is where a cliché could actually be used, because it’s a quick way to create a colorful impression with few words: “a spunky redhead” or “a one-legged pirate” or “a powerful businessman.” Whatever the writer chooses to create that first impression, make it the most significant aspect of

In my first drafts, I often have a problem in making my characters likeable within the first page or two. Since your reader will probably only give you a page or two in the bookstore, you need to capture their interest fast. I wrote this article, which originally appeared on Suite101, with a few tips on how to do that. Create a Relatable Character Use Tips and Tricks to Create Character Empathy in the First Five Pages In the first five pages of a novel, use actions or traits that psychologically cause readers to relate to or like a character very quickly. Most readers—including editors and agents—look at the first few pages to determine if the characters are worth reading about. Writers can utilize certain actions and traits that cause the reader to like the character or relate to him on a psychological level, without knowing anything else about him, and sometimes even showing him doing unsavory things a few pages later. Utilize for Both Sympathetic and Empathetic Charact

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part six. Indicate point of view Make it obvious to the reader whose head he/she is in. Don’t leave them guessing—readers want to be grounded in the story as soon as possible. Here is where you can utilize deep point of view and WOW that editor. Drop them into a character’s head—a character who is so fascinating and unique that they’re struck by the vibrancy of the character’s personality or completely relate to the character’s struggles. Use deep point of view to accomplish this. Let the reader experience the character’s emotions, reactions, thoughts. Let the reader cringe or laugh when the character does. Let the reader feel everything that character feels. Let the reader know exactly what the character thinks about the things happening to him/her. Let your reader become that character from the first sentence, until your reader is transformed by the end of page one. Again, forgive me for using my

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part five. Use key words deliberately In the first page, especially, you want to be extremely deliberate with every single word you use. If you have bland or neutral words, try substituting stronger key words that will indicate genre or develop your story’s atmosphere. You can always change it back if it doesn’t sound right or do what you want it to. (Forgive me for using my own writing as an example, but it was easier than typing up a few paragraphs from a book. The following is from Single Sashimi :) Venus Chau opened the door to her aunt’s house and smelled something terrible. “What’s that smell?” She tried to hold her breath. Her cousin Jennifer Lim entered the foyer with an angry look. “She’s making my kitchen smell.” “Who?” Venus hesitated on the threshold, breathing clean air. “My mother, who else?” versus Venus Chau opened the door to her aunt’s house and almost fainted. “What died?” She exhal

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part four. Establish the tone or atmosphere of the story In addition to using key words to indicate genre, use key words to develop a certain feel to the writing, setting, and story in that first page. Remember, you are dumping the reader in a completely new story world. You want them to be able to know what type of story this is going to be right off the bat. If they’re expecting a gripping, emotional story and the first page is heavy with action, they’re going to close the book. If your story is going to be humorous, start it out humorously. Also, use key words that indicate whether it’s dry British humor or slapstick comedy or sarcastic chick lit. If it’s going to be a roller-coaster ride, start it out quickly. Use strong words and sharp sentences to strap the reader in for a wild read. If it’s going to be deeply emotional, start it out emotionally. Use words that evoke strong emotional responses s

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part three. Indicate the genre When an editor opens your book, he/she should be able to tell what your genre is right off the bat. Genre does not have to be established in the first line, but it should be fairly obvious by the end of the first page. You don’t want to open your story with: The wagon train left a dust cloud that Shep could see from seven miles away. when your story is a contemporary thriller. Use key words to indicate to the editor/reader what genre your novel is. Certain words or phrases are indicative of different genres by tapping associations in a reader’s mind. “Glock” will usually indicate a suspense or thriller or crime drama. “Wagon train” will usually indicate a Western or a historical prairie romance. “Desire” in context will typically clue the reader in to the fact that the story is a romance of some sort. Another benefit of indicating genre in the first page is that it will

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part two. Establish the protagonist Your first paragraph (ideally—or at least the first several lines of the book) should mention one of the main protagonists by name. The first page of the book is one place where you can break with deep point of view and mention the entire main character’s name, even though technically, in deep point of view, the main character would only think of him/herself by a first name. This was not the smartest way to die. USAF Pararescue Jumper Manny Péna grunted, tensed his muscles and tried again to flare the canopy on his parachute. No go. -- A Soldier’s Family by Cheryl Wyatt It’s usually best to start the story in the main protagonist’s point of view , opening the storyworld from the protagonist’s eyes, being in her thoughts and body. Allison Stewart’s future hung in the balance. Her job. Her research. Her attempt to make a difference. -- Countdown to Death by Debby G

This is continuing my series on things to look for in your first page. Click here for part one. Figure out where to start your story You don’t need cars blowing up or gunfights or a grotesque witch dying a horrible death to open your story (although if you do have those things, that’s a good thing, too). All you need is something different. You need something unusual happening that will perk your reader’s attention. You need something disrupting the character’s normal life. You need just the intimation of some type of change or upheaval. This means you don’t start with backstory or telling or explanations about who the character is and why they’re there and what has happened to him before this scene. You start with the action spurred on by Change in the character’s life. I’ve seen too many manuscripts that started in the wrong place. The character’s “ordinary world” is introduced, but it’s not an active, engaging opening for the story. You need to start with the change to the characte

I’m going to be doing a series on things to look for in your first page. Why just the first page? Realistically, that first page is all you have. That’s what will either grab an editor or make him/her put the manuscript in the reject pile. Editors have very little time, and they get thousands of manuscripts a year. If they’re not hooked by that first page, most will not bother to read on to the second page. Editors just don’t have time anymore to “grow” an author and help them improve his/her writing. In past decades in publishing, an editor might contract an author with incredible potential and help them to become a better writer with successive books. That doesn’t happen anymore. A debut author that’s contracted these days has to have very strong writing skills right off the bat—an editor will not contract a writer who’s “good but not quite there.” It’s the same with a reader. Think of yourself in a bookstore. There are thousands of books on the shelves. How do you decide which book

In this article, originally published on Suite101, I'm breaking down a good opening hook into four types of hooks. Does your opening hook fall into one of the four categories? Grabbing the Reader’s Attention From the First Paragraph A novel needs to start with something so captivating that the reader is compelled to move on. This is called the Opening Hook. These days, the Opening Hook is important not just to hook readers, but to hook editors. In an informal survey of more than 50 editors and agents, author Cheryl Wyatt reports that 99% of them admit to only reading the first page of a submitted manuscript. If the story does not intrigue them in that first page, they won’t read on. That puts a great deal of pressure on unpublished writers to have an astounding first page. If the editor, who reads thousands of manuscripts a year, is not hooked, then that manuscript will only garner a form rejection letter. Work Hard on a Killer First Line. Lots of writers pooh-pooh havi

Originally this article appeared on Gina Conroy's blog , but a few people were deterred because for some reason the page takes a while to load. So here's the article in full. I run a critique service called the Story Sensei, and I’ve also judged a fair number of writing contests through RWA, in addition to coordinating the ACFW Genesis contest. I’ve noticed a few commonalities in the manuscripts I’ve critiqued and judged, and Gina asked me to share. So here is: The top ten mistakes I see in manuscripts: 10) Inadequate use of point of view. I’m not talking about head-hopping. I’m talking about a very distant use of point of view that doesn’t get the reader into the character’s head or feeling the character’s emotions. For a first chapter, especially, this is crucial. If the reader isn’t immediately sucked into the character’s mind and body, if the reader doesn’t care about the character, they’re going to put the book down. This leads to the next mistake: 9) Inadequat

“The most important sentence in an article is the first one. If it doesn’t induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence your article is dead. And if the second sentence doesn’t induce him to continue to the third sentence, it’s equally dead. Of such a progression of sentences, each tugging the reader forward until he is hooked, a writer constructs that fateful unit, the ‘lead.’” --William Zinsser, On Writing Well The quote is referring to nonfiction articles, but it applies equally well to your fiction manuscript’s opening hook. There’s something about a terrific opening line that pulls me immediately into the story. It builds anticipation in the reader that this will be a GREAT story, not just an okay one, because the very first line is so intriguing. Here are some examples of good opening lines: Scene transitions – opening hooks The opening of your manuscript is not the place to be lazy or sloppy with your writing. Make every sentence count, because that reader picking your bo

When I start a novel, I give the author about three chapters for me to like the main character. I’m actually pretty generous—in a bookstore, your average book buyer reads the first page, maybe the second. Usually not more than that. Depending on how fast they read, the first page or two takes approximately twenty seconds. That’s it. You need to hook your reader into the story and give them a character they can like within those first few pages. In Writing for Emotional Impact , Karl Iglesias lists these three “categories of appeal”: * We care about victims—characters we feel sorry for * We care about characters with humanistic values * We like character with desirable qualities Victims—You don’t have to just think stalker victim here. Don’t we love the underdog? The downtrodden? The kid who gets beat up in the schoolyard? The man without enough money to pay for coffee? The woman beat up by her husband? The teenager who can’t read? Humanistic values—Show your character doing something n