Story Sensei

I'll be starting a new series on Show versus Tell next week, but if you have anything you want me to cover on any other topic after that, just post a comment here or email me through my profile.

Action tags can be great for conveying a character’s emotions without actually saying what the character is feeling. This is especially useful if you want to convey character A’s emotions, but you’re in character B’s point of view for the scene. ”You’re a bit red. Are you okay?” “Of course. I’m fine.” He sloshed his straw up and down in his iced tea, making a few drops land on the table. Obviously, he’s not fine, but he’s trying to make the character believe he is. “Mr. Carrisford?” A woman’s voice called behind Jerry and Sue. Jerry’s hand spasmed in hers. However, he didn’t turn around. The woman hustled up to them. “Mr. Carrisford?” She touched Jerry’s arm. He turned to her. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong person.” Here, Jerry’s hand spasming tells Sue something isn’t right, despite what he tells the woman. Take a look at your action tags in the manuscript. Do they do something besides tell the reader who’s speaking? See if you can make them convey emotion in addition to action.

Ideally, you should be able to tell each character apart from their dialogue alone, without any qualifying names. Each character’s sentences should be said so distinctly that a reader could immediately know that line is the heroine and that line is the hero. “Land sakes, Pastor Dave, what in tarnation are you doing with a gun? I thought pastors aren’t supposed to bear arms or somesuch as that. Do the deacons know you’ve got a firearm in your office? I don’t think they’d be very pleased.” “Mrs. Cauffield, I don’t have time to explain.” “Now wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. You’re not walking out of this office without some kind of explanation about why a grown man is heading outside with a gun in broad daylight with neither hide nor tail of deer around these parts, and hunting season months away. Pastor Dave! Come back!” Many factors can contribute to a character’s distinct voice: Sentence structure—some characters speak in fragments, others in full, proper sentences. Word choices—some cha...

Vary sentence structure so it doesn’t get sing-songy. “How are you?” “I’m fine.” “That’s good.” “How’s your mother?” “She’s just peachy.” “My dad arrived.” “Yesterday?” “Last week.” “How’s he doing?” “Enjoying himself.” Aside from the fact this dialogue as absolutely NO CONFLICT, the sentence structure is unvarying. Here’s another example. “I talked with the director yesterday.” He jerked his thumb toward the office door. “I hope that it went well.” Her eyebrows rose. “We got a lot accomplished.” He nodded enthusiastically. “Did you make a decision?” She raised her pen to take notes. “We decided to table it for now.” He shrugged and sighed. “Who will you hire?” She scanned her list of candidates. “It’s down to two people.” He raised two fingers. Here again (aside from NO CONFLICT), the sentences are all about the same lengths, and each dialogue line ends with an action tag. The dialogue cadence is the same for the entire example. “This is Felicia.” She adjusted the headset’s microphone...

You can use tags besides “said.” I know, some people would call that heresy, but it’s true. Now, that being said, don’t go overboard—you don’t want your characters mumbling, chirping, drawling, squeaking, yelling, and hissing all through your book. But an occasional action verb can add nuance to the dialogue by telling the reader how the line is said. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she hissed. Here, the character is trying to not let people know she’s upset by pitching her voice down but still trying to convey her displeasure. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she bellowed. The character has reached a point where she doesn’t care who hears her and wants the person she’s yelling at to stop whatever they’re doing. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she sang. Here, the character is talking to a person old enough to realize the threat of her words even though the tone is sweet. In each line, the atmosphere and flavor of the dialogue exchange changes depen...

Where you put the dialogue tag can make a difference with emphasis and pacing. “Sure, I did it last week,” she said. She said, “Sure, I did it last week.” “Sure,” she said, “I did it last week.” Readers tend to pause slightly at the sight of a dialogue tag, whether they know they doing it or not. As a writer, you can take advantage of that pause to add emphasis or subtly impact the pacing of the scene. For example, if a scene is going a bit fast and you want to slow it down a little, a tag here and there can moderate the pace. A dialogue tag can slow the pacing of the dialogue, so it’s not just back-and-forth like a tennis match. Example one: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” “Is she doing okay?” “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell.” “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” “She took one look at me and decided I needed something to help the baby alon...

I blogged at Seekerville yesterday about something I learned from my editor about Character growth versus likeability . Update: Sorry about that, the link is fixed now.

Use dialogue and action tags to eliminate confusion about who’s talking, but don’t use so many that they distract. Example one: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” “Is she doing okay?” “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell.” “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” “She took one look at me and decided I needed something to help the baby along.” This example could use a few more dialogue tags or action tags to help the reader understand who’s speaking. By the end, it’s getting confusing keeping track of who’s saying what. Example two: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” Trish started. “Is she doing okay?” Venus interrupted. “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell,” Trish said. “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” Venus sa...

I was honored to be part of C.J. Darlington's blog post series on "If you could say one thing to aspiring novelists, what would you say?" (I forgot to post this earlier when the blog post first came out.) My answer to C.J.'s question

I was over at Kaye Dacus's blog, where she asked me to write about writing Asian American novels .

You are a writer. You can think of a better way to describe your heroine than “sprightly.” Your town drunk can be something more original than “uncouth.” You can find a more unique way to convey the fact that your hero is “handsome.” BE ORIGINAL. And yes, I am yelling. I am the first person to admit I don’t always have original descriptions, mostly because I am not as gifted as other writers. But I TRY. Here, for your inspiration and jealousy, are a few descriptions I got from a friend who read Stephen Hunter’s novel, Hot Springs : ... a largish old man in a lumpy suit, beaten-to-hell boots and a fedora that looked as if it had been pulled by a tractor through the fields of Oklahoma, who seemed to do a lot of spitting. Her accent was sugar-dipped, like a fritter hot on a cool Southern morning, and he placed it as either from Georgia or Alabam. Camy here: Isn’t that just amazing? I feel inspired and ready to be original, myself.

A friend forwarded this website to me that gives a very interesting, visual take on emotions: The Nature of Emotions by Plutchik It's only two figures and they're pretty self-explanatory. I thought this might be a good tool for anyone working on writing with more emotional intensity or emotional subtlety.

Read other resources. My favorite point of view books are Characters, Emotion and Viewpoint by Nancy Kress, The Power of Point of View by Alicia Rasley, and Characters and Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card. There are also several online articles available. If you Google “point of view” and “writing” you’ll come up with a bunch. Here are a few to get you started: http://www.gailmartin.com/tips.htm#Seeing (short and to the point) http://www.sff.net/people/nankress/about.htm http://www.bethanderson-hotclue.com/workshops/whose-point-of-view-is-that/ http://www.wordplayer.com/columns/wp41.Point.of.View.html http://www.sff.net/people/alicia/artnarrow.htm http://www.pammc.com/pov.htm

Do not switch points of view during the scene. This is called “head hopping” and it marks you as an amateur. Yes, other multi-published, bestselling authors head hop in their own books, but you are a new writer trying to break into publishing, and you shouldn’t do it. In the current publishing business, head hopping in your manuscript will decrease your chances of being published, plain and simple. If you switch point of view, insert a scene break to indicate the change in character viewpoint. Some writers will write part of the scene in one person’s point of view, insert a section break, then continue the scene in the other character’s point of view. Then they’ll insert another section break, and continue the scene back in the first person’s point of view. While this isn’t “wrong,” I personally dislike this. It smacks of lazy writing, in my opinion. I think that a good writer should be able to write a complete scene in one person’s point of view without absolutely needing to switch...

Let the reader know whose point of view they’re in. You should clue the reader in about which character’s point of view the scene will be in as soon as you can. Preferably within the first three sentences. For example: “Move and you’re dead.” Maggie Somers lifted the .22 higher, trying desperately to keep her hands from shaking. --From Buried Secrets by Margaret Daley This was not the smartest way to die. USAF Pararescue Jumper Manny Péna grunted, tensed his muscles and tried again to flare the canopy on his parachute. --From A Soldier’s Family by Cheryl Wyatt Sophie heard God in every explosion of thunder as she listened to the awesome power of the approaching storm. But there was more. There was something coming—something more than rain. --From Petticoat Ranch by Mary Connealy In each of the examples, you know exactly who is the viewpoint character right at the start of the chapter. (You’ll notice that the first two examples show the characters’ full names, which they wouldn’t thi...

Decide whose point of view the scene needs to be in. Try to chose the character with the most to lose. This will ensure the scene is at its maximum emotional potential. For example: Sally is going to tell Billy that her four year old son is his, a secret she’s kept since he walked out on her five years ago. Whose point of view do you write the scene in? Sally has known this information for years, so her anguish is in finally revealing it to Billy and feeling his shock and anger. Billy, however, is about to be laid a bombshell. The emotional strain will be higher from his point of view, so write the scene from Billy’s viewpoint. Sometimes people will write a scene from a third party’s point of view for literary reasons. It has a tendency to mute the emotional reactions of the primary characters involved, and sometimes a writer will deliberately want to distance the reader from the emotional scene. This choice of literary device is up to you. However, for most popular fiction, stronger ...

Your character would only notice what you would notice. Do you notice the color of your hair on an average day? Do you tell yourself in your head that Lisa is your sister? Is it possible to consciously notice when you’re unconsciously looking at a cloud? Would you know at one moment that the next five minutes will bring you a promotion? Your character, going about his average day, wouldn’t notice certain things that are commonplace or actions that are unconsciously done. Don’t write what your character wouldn’t consciously notice to himself. Jennifer wouldn’t notice her own hair because she sees it everyday, so don’t write how Jennifer tossed her long, silky blonde tresses out of her face. (She probably wouldn’t even consciously realize she was doing it—do you consciously note every time you brush the hair out of your eyes? Do you consciously note the color of your hair every time you brush it out of your eyes?) Dave wouldn’t tell himself, “That’s my sister Milly crossing the street ...

Your character would only think what you would think. You don’t hear anyone else’s thoughts when you’re talking to someone, right? (Most people don’t anyway.) You can guess what someone else is thinking from their expression, body language, words or tone. Many times, you can guess pretty accurately just from these visual and audible cues. But you can’t really hear your friend thinking his thoughts. Neither should your character. Judy thinks Alvin is pompous and full of himself. She can’t hear his thoughts, so she wouldn’t know Alvin thinks Judy is irresponsible and flighty. Mary thinks, Charles just doesn’t understand me. She wouldn’t know Charles is thinking, I think I’m finally starting to understand her. So your reader shouldn’t be told this, either. However, your character can speculate on what the other character is thinking. Judy can tell by Alvin’s expression that he thinks she’s a dumb blonde. Mary can tell Charles thinks he’s starting to make headway, but he doesn’t know ...

So if your viewpoint character can’t see herself, how do you describe your character to the reader? Through other character’s eyes in other sections of the story. You really don’t need to give a full description of every character, all in the first chapter. I’m totally serious, here. If you start out chapter one in Amelia’s point of view, you don’t need to make sure the reader knows Amelia is petite, dark-haired, and sexy. You can save that for chapter two when Gaston finds himself attracted to his new neighbor, who is petite, dark-haired and sexy. Also, remember that your character won’t notice things that are commonplace, so she won’t toss back her long, ebony tresses as she walks to her car. She probably wouldn’t even notice what she’s doing. Instead, have the next scene start from Gaston’s point of view as his attention is initially caught by the sunlight glinting off of hair so glossy, it’s as if it’s made of strands of onyx. Using a mirror to describe your character is extremely ...

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