Skip to main content

Another word on emotions and thoughts

Thoughts can be a fabulous way to not only convey information, but to convey intense emotions. The key is to take advantage of point of view.

Setup: Laura is in a new church, and she’d filled out a Visitor’s card when she first entered the doors. Now, at the end of the service, the worship leader has been given her card.

“Laura Duke? Are you here? Please stand up so we can greet you!” He smiled as if conveying a Publisher’s Clearing House check to her.

Oh, how embarrassing. Laura slowly rose with a small smile.

The church members turned to look at her, then sat back in their seats. No warm smiles—okay, maybe one from that lady in the corner with the Coke-bottle lenses. Nothing more than a few disinterested glances.

She sat down again as fast as possible. That was horrible.


Instead of telling her emotion, you can show it with the nature of her thoughts—with her tone, with the language and words.

“Laura Duke? Are you here? Please stand up so we can greet you!” He smiled as if conveying a Publisher’s Clearing House check to her.

No way. Aw, man, this was not happening. Who thought up this kind of pain and torture? Did they not want her to return ever again?

Laura slowly rose with a small smile.

The church members turned to look at her, then sat back in their seats. No warm smiles—okay, maybe one from that lady in the corner with the Coke-bottle lenses. Nothing more than a few disinterested glances.

She sat down again as fast as possible. God, if the Second Coming came right now, I’d be pretty happy.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Writing Fight Scenes

I love martial arts movies and action flicks. So naturally I'd write action scenes. I discovered that it takes a slightly different writing style. These are some of the things I learned, although this list isn't exhaustive by any means. Action-Reaction A fight scene is always Action-Reaction. He punches, she staggers back. She kicks, he blocks and swings a fist at her. Watch out for putting your reaction before your action: She staggered back when he slammed his fist into her shoulder. The rule of thumb is to have each action-reaction have its own paragraph, although that’s not always possible. Sometimes the sentences are too short for their own paragraphs and can be combined. It’s up to the writer how to format it: He swung a roundhouse punch. She bent backward and felt his knuckles swish past her nose. versus: He swung a roundhouse punch. She bent backward and felt his knuckles swish past her nose. Short sentences = fast reading flow Use short sentences and phrases to make re...
5 comments
Read more

How to write a kiss

There was a question on the writer’s Discord server that I’m on where someone asked how to write a kiss. They weren’t specifically asking me, but I was able to give a short answer for how I write kisses. I write and read traditional romances, so my kiss scenes tend to be heavily influenced by the genre and by how my editors critiqued my manuscripts. You basically want to focus on the emotion of the kiss and how the kiss makes the point of view character feel, as opposed to going deep into physical detail. Ideally, the description will show that the kiss is something special and not just them macking. For example the kiss made her feel ___. Or the kiss was ___ which made it seem that he felt ___ for her. “The kiss made her feel as if she were incredibly precious to him.” “His lips were gentle and almost tentative, as if he were afraid of frightening her.” “The kiss surprised her and yet felt as familiar as if they’d kissed a thousand times before. The kiss felt like home.” I...
2 comments
Read more

What’s a chapter-by-chapter synopsis?

Some editors or agents ask for a chapter-by-chapter synopsis. Not all of them do, so don’t automatically assume you need one. However, it’s the easiest type of synopsis to write, in my opinion. It’s simply a list of each chapter number, and then a couple sentences describing what happens in the chapter. Any significant spiritual or internal conflicts should be included, as well as major plot points, red herrings, symbolism, etc. The chapter-by-chapter synopsis will take the reader on a shortened version of the same ride you’ll give your novel reader, so include the dead ends and frustrations and obstacles that beset your characters. Each major character should be named, and minor characters can also be named if they have a significant impact on the storyline. However, peripheral characters shouldn’t be named in a chapter-by-chapter synopsis. I usually write a chapter-by-chapter synopsis first, then cut that down to a 1-2 page synopsis which I use for my proposals. Most proposals call f...
18 comments
Read more