Story Sensei

This is a fabulous article by Pat Holt which gives easy fixes for writers doing revisions. What’s even better is that she discusses these fixes so that a writer who hires an editor doesn’t pay the editor to do these fixes for him/her. Ten Mistakes Writers Don't See (But Can Easily Fix When They Do)

When your characters speak, worlds should move. Well, okay, not that dramatic. But pretty darn close. --Every word out of your character’s mouth has to mean something significant. Don’t let him or her say something that doesn’t have some kind of meaning, whether spoken or unspoken. --Use double-entendres, also called cross-talk or subtexting. Let them say more than (or the opposite of) what’s actually said. --“Dialogue is WAR.” – Randy Ingermanson, Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine. This is totally true! Your characters should be at odds with each other every time they talk. No, they don’t need to have shouting matches. However, they should each be fighting for or against each other in some other way. Fighting to keep a secret, fighting to get the other person to tell them something, fighting to know what to say, fighting to make themselves stop saying something. Conflict, conflict, conflict, baby! --Don’t let their conversations just serve to reveal their personalities. The conversatio

Sometimes called “off the nose” dialogue, subtexting is a character saying what he wants to say without actually saying it. It’s when characters talk about one thing, but they’re really talking about something beneath the surface—sometimes fencing with their words, or avoiding the subject while yet hitting it dead on. One of the most recent and more memorable instances of subtexting was a scene from near the end of the movie Serenity . (Don’t worry, I’ll try not to spoil anything, but if you haven’t seen Firefly and Serenity , go rent it now! Great instances of characterization and innovative dialogue.) Mal is talking to his first mate Zoe, and the actual dialogue is discussing the ship and how she’s taken a few knocks, but she’ll run true. In actuality, they’re discussing the hard knocks the crew has gone through in the movie, but that they’ll still fly true. Subtexting adds depth to your dialogue. Is there a scene where the characters are just explaining things to each other? Or may

The writing book, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King (second edition), suggests eliminating dialogue tags in favor of action beats. For example, instead of he asked, she said, he demanded, replace the dialogue tags with action beats whenever possible. I've mentioned this before, but I thought I'd use a few more examples. Sometimes we writers go overboard on the action beats. For example: “How have you been?” He tucked in his tie. “Fine. How are you?” She fidgeted with her necklace. He sipped some water. “Work’s been busy.” “How’s the new manager doing?” She wet her lips and glanced around at the other diners in the restaurant. He looked up. His eyes pinned her to her seat, while his smile reminded her of Hannibal Lector. “He’s doing fine, just fine.” Only keep in the action beats that do something for the scene. If an action beat indicates emotion, or if you’re trying to convey a character’s personality in the beginning of the manuscript, then le

The writing book Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King (second edition) is one of the best books for bumping your writing up to the next level and making it look more professional. If you haven’t read this book yet, I strongly suggest you buy it or borrow it and read it right away. They suggest eliminating dialogue tags in favor of action beats. For example, instead of he asked, she said, he demanded, replace the dialogue tags with action beats whenever possible. The reason is that dialogue tags are often redundant. Many times, it’s already obvious who is speaking. The dialogue itself can sometimes indicate how the character is speaking, with what emotion. And dialogue tags are often accompanied with an –ly adverb, which can be “telling” the reader the emotion when you should “show” it instead. “Did you have to kill the postman?” he demanded angrily. Dave sailed into the kitchen. “How are you doing, Mary?” He stopped short. “I’m just waving around a bloody

Oh, goodness! Sara’s heart pounded in her chest. “Josephine! I didn’t even see you there!” While just 10 years ago, books had tons of exclamation points all over the place, these days, most editors prefer limited use of exclamation points, especially in dialogue. They typically suggest using them only if someone is screaming or shouting, rather than just a raised voice. Some are nazis about it, some aren't. I would suggest getting rid of as many exclamation points as you can just in case you come across someone who's picky about it.

Separate from your own unique writer’s voice is each individual character’s voice. Sometimes writers will not make each character’s own dialogue distinct enough to be able to tell characters apart. Many times, if you remove the dialogue tags and action beats from a scene of dialogue, the two characters will sound exactly alike, whether it’s two men, two women, or a man and a woman. Each character should be so individual that even their speech patterns are distinct. I’m not talking about dialect or slang. Lots of things can contribute to character voices--pacing and rhythm, word choice, grammar, sentence length, casual versus formal. Don’t cop out and give one person a lisp or a dialect—try to make them unique just by their words alone. You, as the writer, know who is who as you hear each character talking in your head. The challenge is to convey the distinction on the page to the reader. One exercise I like to do is to take an incident and have different characters tell it. Often, I ca

When reading contest entries or manuscript for critiquing, sometimes dialogue goes on for too long. This can affect pacing, and it can also disengage the reader if the dialogue isn’t necessary to character development or the plot. Look through your own manuscript to see if a few interchanges in a scene of dialogue might be unnecessary. Sometimes things like that are needed to set tone, or reveal character, but look through your dialogue to see if anything can be cut. You as the writer have a good feel for what's vital to your voice and the tone, and what might be just fluff. Most writers say that anything that can reduce word count will usually only make the story better. Anything that can speed up the pace a bit during action scenes (dialogue) will help glue the reader to the page.

Rather than listening to me talk, why not read a few good articles on dialogue: http://www.jamesscottbell.com/Site/Dialogue%20Tips.html http://www.sff.net/people/alicia/artdialogue.htm http://www.pammc.com/dialogue.htm (good examples of proper punctuation for dialogue) http://www.charlottedillon.com/Articles.html http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/index.shtml These last two are websites with several articles on various topics, including dialogue. These links were current as of the publishing of this blog post. If any are broken, please e-mail me or leave a comment to let me know.

Mark Goodyear made a great point that one way to learn to write good dialogue is to read good dialogue, and one of the best resources are good plays. Specifically, the Tony winners, since aren’t those the best plays written in America? If you go to his blog post about it , he gives the website of the Tonys and how to search for plays to read. Plays can be found in your local library. They might also be in the drama department of your local high school and available for loan, so send your child on a recon mission. Another good resource is online stores where you can buy cheap used copies (which you can then flag and mark up with notes). Look for dialogue that moves you, then look through it again to discover why. Look at pacing, sentence rhythm, word choice—especially word choice specific to certain characters. Judicious use of sentence structure and sentence length also make up good dialogue. Once you analyze good dialogue, you’ll find you’ll be more critical of your own writing as y

All dialogue should have some type of conflict. Exchange of information or small-talk is boring and slows the reading flow. The characters don’t need to be fighting with each other, but there should be something one of the characters is fighting FOR. Fighting to hide information, fighting to obtain information, fighting to right a wrong, fighting to convince the other. In the words of Randy Ingermanson ( Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine ), “Dialogue is war.” A dialogue with two strong forces has the energy to propel the story forward. It tends to be highly emotional, but at the same time very simple and direct (unlike actual conversation in real life). The best way to have both emotion and simplicity is to lay the dialogue down first and then go back later to refine, cut, clarify. Because dialogue is emotional, it also tends to be more give-and-take, more back-and-forth. In our modern publishing industry, it’s rare to have a character go on and on without the other character responding.

“I know you did it.” He slammed his fist on the table. She fingered her long necklace with manicured fingers. “I never said I did.” “We have you on tape.” He reached out to touch the micro-recorder. “I told you, I was only joking when I said that.” She wouldn’t look at him. He crossed his arms and glared at her. “People don’t joke to kill someone.” “That’s not true. People joke about killing their friends all the time.” She crossed her arms and stared him down. Even though we vary the sentence structure and the position of the dialogue, the action beats in this conversation are a bit much. You don't need to identify the speaker every time he speaks. You can have back and forth a bit and still know who's speaking. Action beats should have a purpose --to show inner emotion or characterization, not just as filler in between lines of dialogue. “I know you did it!” “I never said I did.” “We have you on tape.” “I told you, I was only joking when I said that.” She wouldn’t look at him

“As you know, Bob, your mother left you at the age of five to run off to California with the family lawyer, leaving you to be raised by your bohemian grandparents. Do think it’s affecting your judgment about this child abandonment case?” Be careful about dialogue that’s there just to inform the reader. Bob would know what his mother did, and wouldn’t need to be told or reminded. “You’re too close to this case, Bob.” “What do you mean?” He crossed his arms. She spoke with a hitch of hesitation in her voice. “You were the same age as this kid when your mom . . .” She didn’t have to say it. As a child, he’d prayed for an earthquake to swallow up both his mother and the ex-family lawyer in California. Maybe he was too close to this. Some things won’t seem like telling at first, but at closer look they might: She spoke with a hitch of hesitation in her voice. “You were the same age as this kid when your mom left you for the family lawyer.” (Does Bob need to be reminded whom she ran off with

One thing I see often in the entries I judge in contests is long passages of dialogue. And why not? Jane Austen got away with it. Historical romance writers—even the current best-selling ones—have long paragraphs of one person talking. Granted, historical novels have a completely different atmosphere that’s more conducive to long stints of dialogue, but let’s face it, folks—do YOUR friends like to hear you talk for that long without stopping? Believable dialogue in contemporary fiction, especially, needs shorter passages and more back-and-forth between characters. One person says a sentence or two, the other person responds to what they said. Historical fiction can have slightly longer passages, but big ole’ long honkin’ paragraphs might lose your reader’s attention. Shorter passages of dialogue also serve to pick up the reading pace. Long passages of dialogue can become ponderous to the reader and stall the story flow. Here’s an exercise that takes this to the extreme, but can help yo

These days, editors prefer action beats to dialogue tags. Some are absolutely ballistic about them, some aren't. It's up to you, but I would suggest getting rid of as many dialogue tags as you can, just in case an editor happens to be a "tag nazi." Also, dialogue tags tend to "tell" rather than "show." Often, the tag is redundant because you already "show" in the line of dialogue what the tag "tells," such as who is speaking, or who the person is speaking to, or how they are saying it. For example: “What you did was wrong, young man,” his mother said sternly. We already know who’s being addressed, who’s talking, and how she’s saying it by her dialogue line. SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Renni Browne and Dave King talks about dialogue tags versus action beats.