Story Sensei

I posted on Seekerville a few weeks ago on backstory (spotting it and how to fix it), but didn't post it at the time because I didn't want to interrupt my Show/Tell example series. So here it is: Backstory

One reason that people give for “telling” is one that I don’t like, although some of you might not agree with me. Some people use “telling” because they say they don’t have the word count for “showing.” For example, many category books are shorter, and some authors say they have to tell in order to make the book hit their lower word count. I don’t agree (but some of you might not feel the same way). While it’s true that showing often has a larger word count, there are more creative ways to show that will match the word count of a section of telling. Also, a lot of times, the story doesn’t need that section of telling at all. I’ve seen many manuscripts with telling where the information isn’t necessary for the reader to understand and enjoy the story. Or maybe the information can be snuck with in a phrase or sentence later in the manuscript where it's more pertinent to the current action. My suggestion is that before you decide to “tell” something, ask yourself or your crit partn

Sometimes you want to deliberately distance the reader from the character or action. It might be a decision you make based on pacing or emotional flow or simply word and sentence cadence. In that case, go ahead and tell. But make sure you have a good reason in your own mind for telling. Why hadn’t he asked her for her phone number? (showing) versus She wondered why he hadn’t asked her for her phone number. (telling) No, she didn’t want to think about it. Too painful. In the first example, the question is very blunt and emotional. In the second example, I chose to keep the reader distanced from the emotion because the character herself is trying to distance herself from the emotion. The telling achieves the same sort of emotional distance or denial that the character is going through. So, if you have a reason for telling, go for it. Sometimes it’s more effective.

Another reason is if the action isn’t emotionally important . The reader doesn’t need to read detail if it’s not important for the story. For example, the reader doesn’t need to read every step as Joe walks into his bathroom, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, shaves, etc. “Joe got ready for work” is sufficient. Another example is when a character is telling another character what happened to him. Since we as the reader already know all the events he’s relating, we don’t need to read his dialogue telling his friend. Jason Bourne related everything to other agent as he tied him up and set the house to blow up. In the example above, we also didn’t need to follow all of Bourne’s actions as he rigged the house, because it’s not emotionally important. However, what if the agent has information to impart while Bourne is telling the agent what happened to him? What if the agent can explain why so-and-so shot at Bourne, why such-and-such agency never existed, etc.? In that case, show the compl

Janet Kobobel Grant runs Books 'n Such literary agency (where my agent works) and she's blogging at Fiction Matters about Razzle-Dazzle Titlest .

Telling isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s preferable. However, you ought to have a darn good reason to tell. One reason could be to telescope time . If you’re skipping from one place to another, or one time to another, that’s where telling is good. Say Joe has been arrested and then in the next scene, he’s talking to his jailmate. It’s okay to tell in a sentence or two what happened in between. The reader doesn’t need to know all that detail, and it’s useful for letting the reader know that time has elapsed. The police slapped the handcuffs on him. Exactly forty-two minutes later, after being slightly roughed around by the cops who processed him, Joe turned to his bunk mate with a casual, “Got a smoke?” Or Joe got on the plane, flew to San Jose, and rented a car. Two hours and one accident during rush hour later, he arrived at Amelia’s house, ready to break some heads. Here, we didn’t need to see everything Joe did on the plane, in renting the car, in sitting in traffic. We jus

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She wanted to call her sister to cry over the phone, but she shouldn’t. Tonight was Sherri’s birthday, and she knew Sherri’s husband was going to give her a diamond pendant as a present. Here, you’re “telling” the reader about why she can’t call her sister, but sometimes a little mystery is good for the reader, to pique their interest and keep them reading. Also, if you’re in the character’s deep point of view, she wouldn’t “tell” herself why she can’t call her sister, she’d already know and would only mention it in a way that would be cryptic for anyone not in the know. For example: She could call Sherri, have a good cry … No. She’d ruin ev

I'm a big fan of Pyromarketing by Greg Stielstra , because he gives great advice that can be applied to marketing fiction. He blogged about a new book (not written by him) on word of mouth marketing. The best part is, the .pdf download of the book is free! Word of Mouth Marketing

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She chewed on her hair, an old habit of hers that she was trying to break. The second half of that sentence is “telling” the reader about her old habit. There’s a more active way to “show” it by incorporating her emotions into it. For example: She caught herself chewing her hair and dragged it out of her mouth. Nasty habit. Why couldn’t she break it? In the example, I’ve delved deeper into her point of view and “shown” the same information in a more active, emotional way. This might seem like a rather trivial example for “telling,” but think about if you changed all these instances throughout your manuscript. The small changes made would con

Ronie Kendig has an interesting interview with literary agent Steve Laube on her blog, talking about agent expectations and conferences, specifically the upcoming 2008 ACFW conference: Agent Steve Laube on the ACFW Conference

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rushed out of the elevator and bumped Sherri’s arm. “Sorry,” she mumbled. But Sherri made an exasperated sound. “Just sorry?” Gloria paused. She was in a hurry, but she couldn’t afford to antagonize her, because Sherri would make her life miserable. Gloria turned with a plastic smile. “I’m so sorry. Can I help you carry those files?” The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about antagonizing Sherri. Granted, it’s only a sentence, and because it’s short, you could keep it in and it wouldn’t be bad. But even a sentence can “burp” the reader out of the reading flow because it’s a sentence of “telling” narrative. There’s a more vibra

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She arrived at her parents’ home, which always reminded her of a gingerbread house . The italicized phrase is “telling” the reader what the house looks like. Instead, why not “show” the reader her emotional reaction to the house while you describe it? It would make a more vibrant way of “showing” the same information. For example: She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that made her want to gag at the sweetness. or She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that lifted her spirits as if she were on a sugar rush. In the examples, the character’s emotions are incorporated in the descriptio

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She admired the rows of Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, her only extravagance . The italicized phrase is “telling.” Now before you start screaming that it’s short (after all, it’s only three words), think about it—if you eliminate as much “telling” from your manuscript as possible, the vibrancy of the writing as a whole goes up a notch. Instead of “telling” the reader about how Ferragamo shoes are her only extravagance at that point, save it for when it’s vital to the current action. For example: She slowed as she passed the Neimann Marcus shoe section. Oh, that black leather one … No, she shouldn’t—she’d bought a pair of Ferragamo’s only two weeks

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” So amazing that it had ruined Jeannie’s peaceful breakfast. She had a half-brother in New Orleans that she’d never even known existed before. He had written and wanted to meet her, now that their feuding parents were both gone. The second paragraph is “telling.” Granted, it’s short—which might be a good enough reason to keep it as is—but there’s also a more vibrant way of “showing” this with dialogue. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” “Amazing enough to ruin my breakfast.” Jeannie toyed with her cold toast. “What are you talki

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell me what your Mama told you.” Just like Jeannie to be straight to the point. She’d always been that way, even in grade school. Sometimes her directness was a bit tactless and got her in trouble. Amy was so unlike Jeannie—tender-hearted to the point of not wanting to hurt anybody’s feelings. The entire second paragraph is telling. What information in that paragraph does the reader absolutely need to know for the current scene? Also, the first sentence in the paragraph is extraneous—you already show her directness by her line of dialogue. Here’s a better example. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell m

I have added a new service to my Story Sensei critique business! Screening Critique I now offer an inexpensive partial manuscript critique that you can choose first to find out if you’d like to hire me for your full manuscript. My Screening Critique is one of four options: (a) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript for $40. (b) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript for $75. (c) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $60 ($40 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). (d) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $95 ($75 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). After the critique, if you decide you would like to hire me for your full manuscript, you can send me the rest of your manuscript and I will give you a discount off the cost of the full manuscript critique—$40 or $75, or whatever the cost of your Screening Critique. The Screening Critique is a good way to determine if you like my editin

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rocked back and forth on the porch swing. Her family had moved into this house when Daddy carried Mama over the threshold. She’d broken this swing a few times by jumping on it, her brother had dug a hole under the front porch, and her sister had painted flowers along the white-washed railings. The neighbors were friendly and the tree-lined street cool in summertime. Her backyard ran against a giant meadow that belonged to some development company. The second paragraph is all “telling” information about her family and her house. Does the reader absolutely need to know all that information right at that moment in the story? If not, then cut i

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She stared at the funeral wreath, full of white lilies. She remembered Daddy’s garden, thriving with lush red roses and golden daffodils. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about a remembrance. The question to ask is, does the reader absolutely need to know the information about Daddy’s garden right at that moment? If no, then cut it. If they do need to know the info, there’s a more active and emotional way to “show” it. For example: The cloying scent of the funeral wreath made her stomach heave and her throat gag. Daddy would have hated it. Lilies had had no place in his garden among the more stately roses and cheerful daffodils. It f

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She didn’t cry as Mama yelled at her. She had learned that tears only made her scream louder. The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about her past experience. (Actually, the “as Mama yelled at her” is also “telling” and extraneous because you “show” Mama yelling in the previous paragraph.) There’s a more active and emotional way to “show” this. For example: ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She mustn’t cry. She mustn’t. She screwed her eyes shut, but a tear squeezed

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She looked out at the high school. Three years ago, she’d been secretary there, and now she was secretary for the intermediate school instead. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about the character. This information is the kind of thing that could probably be more actively “shown” in dialogue. For example: (This conversation might be something that comes later in the story) He took her hand. “Why don’t you come work for me at the high school?” She pulled her hand away. “Nuh-uh. I already did that.” “Huh?” “I was secretary at the high school three years ago. Now I’m at the intermediate school.” “So I’m three years too late.” His flirtat