Story Sensei

Instead of just describing a person, you might want to think about integrating the description with the point of view character’s emotions in reaction. For example, rather than: The tall blonde walked into the room, a scarlet dress swirling around her long legs. A man near the bar turned to look at her. Charlene sat at her table and stared at the strange woman. You can instead write: Charlene started and sat up at her table as the tall woman swept into the room. The stranger tossed her blonde hair in a flirtatious gesture, calculated to make the men at the bar look at her. Hussy. She’d probably chosen that red dress because the side had a slit up to her hip, revealing more leg than was decent. Or Charlene looked up as the tall woman swept into the room. She had gorgeous blonde hair—Charlene would have killed for that long and heavy mass down her back. Her scarlet dress swirled around her body, giving tantalizing glimpses at long, slim legs that Charlene could never have no matter how

One great way to show emotion is with contrast. You can contrast the character’s emotions to another character, or maybe the surroundings. The man’s gaze didn’t waver, and she shivered in the hot noon sunlight. She turned away from the child’s sunshine smile, sodden and shivering from the thunderstorm in her heart. Contrast can both intensify the emotion and enable ways for you to be creative in your emotional writing. Don’t fall back on clichés (like I did in the first example above, although the second example isn’t too bad). Be original and richly emotional at the same time.

Sometimes a scene will seem flat. It might be because you need to add more emotion to the scene. The richness of physical description, character actions, dialogue, thoughts. In his book, Techniques of the Selling Writer , the very first thing Dwight Swain talks about is emotion , because it’s one of the important aspects of fiction writing. No matter if you write action, women’s fiction, suspense, or chick lit, emotion is the key factor in any scene. Whether it’s your hero’s dogged determination and rush of adrenaline as he runs from an exploding oil refinery, or it’s your heroine’s angst and frustration at her matchmaking, meddling mother. Emotion is what drives the character, and rivets the reader to the action or drama on the page. When you read your scene, what emotions do you feel? What emotions do you want to feel? Focus on the emotion and write it—write what matters to you, what you want the reader to care about. Ramp up the emotion in your scene to give it depth and vitality.

Thoughts can be a fabulous way to not only convey information, but to convey intense emotions. The key is to take advantage of point of view. Setup: Laura is in a new church, and she’d filled out a Visitor’s card when she first entered the doors. Now, at the end of the service, the worship leader has been given her card. “Laura Duke? Are you here? Please stand up so we can greet you!” He smiled as if conveying a Publisher’s Clearing House check to her. Oh, how embarrassing. Laura slowly rose with a small smile. The church members turned to look at her, then sat back in their seats. No warm smiles—okay, maybe one from that lady in the corner with the Coke-bottle lenses. Nothing more than a few disinterested glances. She sat down again as fast as possible. That was horrible. Instead of telling her emotion, you can show it with the nature of her thoughts—with her tone, with the language and words. “Laura Duke? Are you here? Please stand up so we can greet you!” He smiled as if conveying a

One of the best way to reveal character emotions and personality is to have a character respond to the setting rather than simply describe it. Setup: The heroine is Betty, with an abusive past, visiting her parents' home for the first time in years. The crystal-paned bay windows followed her with a malevolent gaze as she approached the front double doors, as if to mock her for being forced to return after all these years. She imagined the white columns as teeth about the chew her up. Even the sunlight stung her skin. She forced her feet onward, step by step, keeping her eyes lowered to the blood-red flowers dripping down either side of the concrete walkway. The stiff wind from the bay slapped her cheeks and jerked her hair around her face. Why did she have to come back here? The reader gets a picture of the setting, but they also get the character’s emotional response to it. Suddenly it’s not just a setting, it’s an emotional experience for the reader. They feel the character’s rea

Writing emotions is very closely linked to other factors: --the words you use --character personality --point of view A writer can take advantage of point of view to show emotions in different characters. Emotions depend very strongly on the who point of view character is, and how they respond to the action. On Monday, John kissed Sally and I showed her confusion and denial. But what if John kissed Victoria instead? She thrust him away. She stared at him a long moment. Her heart still pounded, still feeling the pulse of his when he had pressed her against him. She didn’t understand. He had just walked into town last week, and today she melted in his arms like butter on her French crepe pan. Why did she respond to him so forcefully? Did she love him? Did he love her? Of course he didn’t love her. He was probably simply taking a little pleasure in his aimless wanderings. And she, like a wanton woman, had responded to his passion, his fire, his strength. All physical—nothing more. While h

Writing emotions is very closely linked to other factors: --the words you use --character personality --point of view Because emotions are meshed with these other aspects, often a writer will hear the infamous “show, don’t tell” and yet not understand what exactly it means. Setup: John has just kissed Sally. She thrust him away. She stared at him a long moment. First she felt confused. Why had he done that? Then, like a fingersnap, she was in denial. It probably meant nothing to him. Camy here: First, don’t use “she felt” or anything like that—she saw, she heard, etc.—because it distances the reader from the character. Second, try not to use the words of the emotions—confusion, denial. Instead of writing “she felt confused,” show the reader how confused she is. Instead of informing the reader she was in denial, show what she’s denying and why. She thrust him away. She stared at him a long moment. Why had he done that? Did he love her? He’d just met her—how could he love her? And she di

Brandilyn Collins talks about this in her excellent writing book, Getting Into Character . Obviously I’ve never been chased down an abandoned alley in the dead of night with a serial killer on my tail. However, I’ve been scared senseless before. I bring up that memory—painfully embarrassing though it might be, sigh —which is my jumping off point for writing the intensity of my heroine’s panic. I close my eyes and picture the scene. For me, it was a dark night and a strange shadow that crossed my window as I lay in bed. I can feel my terror, hear my wild thoughts, and even my body responds to the memory. I can smell the strangely smokey scent of the recent rain. (The shadow ended up being my neighbor sitting on the stone wall and smoking, but we won’t go into that.) I recreate my own terror with my heroine’s terror as she races down that lone alleyway. I copy my thoughts, the feelings in my body, the way fright tastes in my mouth. All those things go into my heroine’s point of view. (Ok

Your scene should climax both in terms of plot and emotion. It should start with a protagonist with a scene goal—what he wants to accomplish in that scene. His emotional starting point is determination, a plan of action. Next, you throw obstacles in the protagonist’s path so he can’t get his goal. This builds frustration, anxiety, sadness. Up your character’s emotional state. Build the obstacles to become more and more difficult. At the same time, build the character’s emotional intensity. Go from frustration to anger, or anxiety to panic, or sadness to depression. At last, deliver a final blow—a disaster at the end of the scene. This will also be the height of your character’s emotions. Ride it for all it’s worth. By building the character emotions, you also build your reader’s emotions for the character. Take your reader on an emotional ride, and they won’t be able to stop turning the pages.

Each character in your book will have a different way of describing things pertaining to themselves and the world around them. It’s no less for their emotions. Your manly ex-Navy SEAL isn’t going to describe his surprise as a gasp and a fluttering in his chest. He’s going to feel like a hollow-point copperhead has slugged him in the gut. Likewise, your small farming town preacher’s daughter isn’t going to describe the heated family argument as the headache-inducing staccato clamor of Chinese grandmothers at the San Francisco Chinatown fish market. She’ll describe the sounds as the fierce pelting of hailstones echoing in an empty barn, resonating in her skull as if they were falling on her head instead of the roof. When describing your character’s emotions, think about their gender, backgrounds, experiences. Make the emotions you describe specific and unique to that character’s personality and backstory.

Actions and body language are terrific tools for showing character emotion. When coupled with dialogue, physical reactions, and thoughts, the reader gets a complete picture of what the character is feeling, and better yet experiences those feelings with the character. First off, don’t resort to cliché actions like running a hand through his hair, or throwing a glass/vase/figurine at the fireplace. You’re a writer, be creative! Think of things more unique, and yet suited to the particular character. Also, make sure you go in order of how a body would react. Usually it’s physical reactions and thoughts first, then dialogue, then actions and body language. Scarlett O’Hara didn’t stamp her foot first and then feel her head sizzle with anger. She had a physical reaction first and used her foot stamping to punctuate her emotions. It’s not always this order of events, granted, but this is the typical order of things according to inertia—it takes more effort and more neurons firing to speak a

Dialogue is one of the best ways to reveal emotions, but it can also be overused. Just dialogue: If you only use dialogue to reveal emotions, the reader doesn’t quite get into the character’s head. They’re an audience at a play, not inside the character’s skin. Use dialogue in conjunction with thoughts, physical reactions, and actions in order to give your reader the full effect of the character’s emotions. Subtexting: Many times, the greatest emotion is conveyed by what the character doesn’t say. This is called subtexting or “cross-talk.” Sometimes it is also referred to as “off the nose” dialogue. Sometimes, you read dialogue and can take it at face value. Other times, there are subcurrents under the actual words said, meanings deeper and perhaps even the opposite of the dialogue. Those subcurrents make for juicy, conflicted, tension-filled dialogue. For a good example of subtexting (with commentary), read the Advanced Fiction Writing Ezine September 2006 edition . One of the best

Your characters are thinking all the time. You want to filter out all but their most important thoughts to convey to your reader. Those thoughts should be the ones that will specifically move your reader’s emotions. Thoughts are related to the writing craft topic of point of view. If you get deep into your character’s point of view, then his/her thoughts enhance the scene emotionally. The key here is that your character’s thoughts tell the reader how the character feels about the events happening, other people, or the surrounding area. Compare these two: Andrea O’Malley paused on the threshold of the Chinese restaurant. She wasn’t sure if she liked the exotic smells that teased her nose—spices she couldn’t name, as well as nutty sesame oil, salty-sweet oyster sauce, pungent soy sauce. She patted her French twist, which didn’t need fiddling with. She couldn’t help it—she was a golden-haired alien in the midst of these black-haired party guests. At least she hadn’t dressed inappropriate

Psychiatrists agree that we, as human beings, copy others fairly easily. We copy other people’s emotions or physical sensations, even though it’s all in our heads. It forms the basis for many psychological abnormalities. However, you as a writer can use this psychological phenomenon to your advantage. “When you understand the feelings of one of the characters in the moving picture, you are copying his tensions. You are feeling in yourself something of what he feels in the fictional situation. You are understanding the story with your own muscle tensions and with the spasm of your intestines and with your own glandular secretions. Without these reactions, the show would have no meaning.” –Psychiatrist David Fink, Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight Swain We can apply what happens to people in a movie to what you want your reader to feel as he/she reads. Describe your focal character’s emotions on a physical level. Make your reader really understand what the character’s body is g

Readers read because they care about the story. Let me repeat that—they care about the story. Caring involves emotions, which is why powerful stories evoke reader emotions. So how do you get your reader to care about the story? “You give them a stake in what happens.” –Dwight Swain When you start a scene, first of all pick a focal character for the reader to follow. This is also why one-point-of-view-per-scene has become more preferred by editors. When there’s one person for the reader to follow, it makes it easier to engage that reader’s emotions. The focal character doesn’t have to be the protagonist. It can be the antagonist, or it can be a secondary character. It can be someone the reader likes or someone the reader hates with a passion. Regardless, pick one person as the focal character for the scene. Then, give your focal character something to win or lose in that scene. Give them something at stake in that scene. The reader will have someone to root for or against for that sce

Certain words tend to evoke very specific and universal emotional reactions from people. For example, “jumped” is a rather neutral emotional word. However, “bounded” tends to denote more excited spirits in the person doing the bounding. “Stomping” tends toward anger. Other examples: “Protector” triggers a warmer emotional reaction when you read it than “Guardian.” “She swept the room with a piercing eye.” Versus “She swept the room with a piercing glare.” Versus “She swept the room with an observant eye.” Dwight Swain wrote: “Pay attention not just to words as words, but also to the feelings they mirror when people use them.” When getting into a character’s point of view, utilize specific words to draw out your reader’s emotions. That way, they’ll feel your character’s emotions with more intensity.