Story Sensei

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Adelaide found the housekeeper, Mrs. Long, in the kitchen. Adelaide was able to relax around her because Mrs. Long knew she was the mistress’s niece, and she had assured Adelaide she wouldn’t tell a soul. The boldface is all telling. There are two types of telling here: (1) When you write the deep point of view of a character, she wouldn’t think to herself, “I’ll go find the housekeeper, Mrs. Long.” She’d either look for “the housekeeper” or look for “Mrs. Long.” The additional modifiers are purely for the reader’s info, which is telling. This is an easy fix. Use “the housekeeper” and “Mr...

Remember that you can say a line of dialogue, but you can’t chuckle, walk, laugh, look, or caress a line of dialogue. You can only speak it. For example: “You look wonderful,” he caressed her shoulder. (wrong) “You look wonderful . ” H e caressed her shoulder. (right) Note the period instead of the comma after “wonderful” and the capitalized H in He in the correct version. “You look wonderful,” he chuckled. (wrong) “You look wonderful . ” H e chuckled. (right) You cannot chuckle and speak at the same time. However, you can: “You look wonderful,” he said. (right) “You look wonderful,” he moaned. (right) “You look wonderful,” he wheezed. (right) “You look wonderful,” he spat. (right) “You look wonderful,” he walked across the room to her. (wrong) “You look wonderful,” he said as he walked across the room to her. (right) “You look wonderful . ” H e walked across the room to her. (right) You cannot “walk” a line of dialogue. “You look wonderful,” he looked in her eyes. (wrong) “You look ...

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) I just found this great resource called AutoCrit . It analyzes your writing to catch words and phrases repeated and overused in your manuscript. From the contest judging and freelance editing jobs I have done, I know that other writers as well as myself have a tendency to repeat words and/or phrases, not just our “hot words.” For example, “pop” is not a word I use often, but I might write something like: I went to the local mom and pop grocery to grab a soda pop, and then I popped out of town. The free version is very limited and will only catch overused words, repeated phrases, and sentence variation. You can also only submit 800 words 5 times in one day. The paid versions offer more, included repeated words (which would catch the “pop” above), dialogue tags, first words, and names and pronouns. The free version itself is amazing. The cost for the lowest level of membership isn’t bad, just $20 for one year, and it analyzes the th...

(Don't forget to comment on my online class idea.) I really liked this blog post by ProBlogger about how he uses a techy “batch processing” concept to organize his day and be more efficient. I think this can really apply to writers because we deal with similar things—writing our manuscripts, checking emails, keeping up with email loops, blogging (some of us), reading writing books and/or articles (something each writer should be doing on a regular basis), listening to writing MP3 workshops (if you can afford it). Check out the article and let me know what you think: How Batch Processing Made Me 10 Times More Productive

(This was originally posted on another blog, but I reposted it here.) Backstory, for me, is any kind of “telling” about something that happened at any time but the present moment of the story. For one, the “telling” aspect of backstory jolts me right out of that lovely fictional dream. Most of the time, “telling” backstory also disrupts some really interesting dialogue and I don’t want to read some paragraph of narrative—I want to get back to the conversation! For example: She opened the door. “Jake.” The name burst from her mouth, almost like an expletive. Her blood pulsed at the base of her throat, blocking her windpipe with its rapid-fire tempo. She was going to pass out—she gasped in a bolus of air. He smiled, highlighting the dimple on his left cheek. “Hey, darling.” He leaned more against the doorframe so that he towered over her. She shuddered, but couldn’t get her feet to move backward. “What are you doing here?” “Come to see my favorite girl.” He acted as if ...

One reason that people give for “telling” is one that I don’t like, although some of you might not agree with me. Some people use “telling” because they say they don’t have the word count for “showing.” For example, many category books are shorter, and some authors say they have to tell in order to make the book hit their lower word count. I don’t agree (but some of you might not feel the same way). While it’s true that showing often has a larger word count, there are more creative ways to show that will match the word count of a section of telling. Also, a lot of times, the story doesn’t need that section of telling at all. I’ve seen many manuscripts with telling where the information isn’t necessary for the reader to understand and enjoy the story. Or maybe the information can be snuck with in a phrase or sentence later in the manuscript where it's more pertinent to the current action. My suggestion is that before you decide to “tell” something, ask yourself or your crit partn...

Sometimes you want to deliberately distance the reader from the character or action. It might be a decision you make based on pacing or emotional flow or simply word and sentence cadence. In that case, go ahead and tell. But make sure you have a good reason in your own mind for telling. Why hadn’t he asked her for her phone number? (showing) versus She wondered why he hadn’t asked her for her phone number. (telling) No, she didn’t want to think about it. Too painful. In the first example, the question is very blunt and emotional. In the second example, I chose to keep the reader distanced from the emotion because the character herself is trying to distance herself from the emotion. The telling achieves the same sort of emotional distance or denial that the character is going through. So, if you have a reason for telling, go for it. Sometimes it’s more effective.

Another reason is if the action isn’t emotionally important . The reader doesn’t need to read detail if it’s not important for the story. For example, the reader doesn’t need to read every step as Joe walks into his bathroom, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, shaves, etc. “Joe got ready for work” is sufficient. Another example is when a character is telling another character what happened to him. Since we as the reader already know all the events he’s relating, we don’t need to read his dialogue telling his friend. Jason Bourne related everything to other agent as he tied him up and set the house to blow up. In the example above, we also didn’t need to follow all of Bourne’s actions as he rigged the house, because it’s not emotionally important. However, what if the agent has information to impart while Bourne is telling the agent what happened to him? What if the agent can explain why so-and-so shot at Bourne, why such-and-such agency never existed, etc.? In that case, show the compl...

Janet Kobobel Grant runs Books 'n Such literary agency (where my agent works) and she's blogging at Fiction Matters about Razzle-Dazzle Titlest .

Telling isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s preferable. However, you ought to have a darn good reason to tell. One reason could be to telescope time . If you’re skipping from one place to another, or one time to another, that’s where telling is good. Say Joe has been arrested and then in the next scene, he’s talking to his jailmate. It’s okay to tell in a sentence or two what happened in between. The reader doesn’t need to know all that detail, and it’s useful for letting the reader know that time has elapsed. The police slapped the handcuffs on him. Exactly forty-two minutes later, after being slightly roughed around by the cops who processed him, Joe turned to his bunk mate with a casual, “Got a smoke?” Or Joe got on the plane, flew to San Jose, and rented a car. Two hours and one accident during rush hour later, he arrived at Amelia’s house, ready to break some heads. Here, we didn’t need to see everything Joe did on the plane, in renting the car, in sitting in traffic. We jus...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She wanted to call her sister to cry over the phone, but she shouldn’t. Tonight was Sherri’s birthday, and she knew Sherri’s husband was going to give her a diamond pendant as a present. Here, you’re “telling” the reader about why she can’t call her sister, but sometimes a little mystery is good for the reader, to pique their interest and keep them reading. Also, if you’re in the character’s deep point of view, she wouldn’t “tell” herself why she can’t call her sister, she’d already know and would only mention it in a way that would be cryptic for anyone not in the know. For example: She could call Sherri, have a good cry … No. She’d ruin ev...

I'm a big fan of Pyromarketing by Greg Stielstra , because he gives great advice that can be applied to marketing fiction. He blogged about a new book (not written by him) on word of mouth marketing. The best part is, the .pdf download of the book is free! Word of Mouth Marketing

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She chewed on her hair, an old habit of hers that she was trying to break. The second half of that sentence is “telling” the reader about her old habit. There’s a more active way to “show” it by incorporating her emotions into it. For example: She caught herself chewing her hair and dragged it out of her mouth. Nasty habit. Why couldn’t she break it? In the example, I’ve delved deeper into her point of view and “shown” the same information in a more active, emotional way. This might seem like a rather trivial example for “telling,” but think about if you changed all these instances throughout your manuscript. The small changes made would con...

Ronie Kendig has an interesting interview with literary agent Steve Laube on her blog, talking about agent expectations and conferences, specifically the upcoming 2008 ACFW conference: Agent Steve Laube on the ACFW Conference

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rushed out of the elevator and bumped Sherri’s arm. “Sorry,” she mumbled. But Sherri made an exasperated sound. “Just sorry?” Gloria paused. She was in a hurry, but she couldn’t afford to antagonize her, because Sherri would make her life miserable. Gloria turned with a plastic smile. “I’m so sorry. Can I help you carry those files?” The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about antagonizing Sherri. Granted, it’s only a sentence, and because it’s short, you could keep it in and it wouldn’t be bad. But even a sentence can “burp” the reader out of the reading flow because it’s a sentence of “telling” narrative. There’s a more vibra...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She arrived at her parents’ home, which always reminded her of a gingerbread house . The italicized phrase is “telling” the reader what the house looks like. Instead, why not “show” the reader her emotional reaction to the house while you describe it? It would make a more vibrant way of “showing” the same information. For example: She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that made her want to gag at the sweetness. or She arrived at her parents’ house, a great big gingerbread confection that lifted her spirits as if she were on a sugar rush. In the examples, the character’s emotions are incorporated in the descriptio...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She admired the rows of Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, her only extravagance . The italicized phrase is “telling.” Now before you start screaming that it’s short (after all, it’s only three words), think about it—if you eliminate as much “telling” from your manuscript as possible, the vibrancy of the writing as a whole goes up a notch. Instead of “telling” the reader about how Ferragamo shoes are her only extravagance at that point, save it for when it’s vital to the current action. For example: She slowed as she passed the Neimann Marcus shoe section. Oh, that black leather one … No, she shouldn’t—she’d bought a pair of Ferragamo’s only two weeks...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” So amazing that it had ruined Jeannie’s peaceful breakfast. She had a half-brother in New Orleans that she’d never even known existed before. He had written and wanted to meet her, now that their feuding parents were both gone. The second paragraph is “telling.” Granted, it’s short—which might be a good enough reason to keep it as is—but there’s also a more vibrant way of “showing” this with dialogue. Amy’s eyes were the size of her forgotten hard-boiled egg. “That’s amazing!” “Amazing enough to ruin my breakfast.” Jeannie toyed with her cold toast. “What are you talki...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell me what your Mama told you.” Just like Jeannie to be straight to the point. She’d always been that way, even in grade school. Sometimes her directness was a bit tactless and got her in trouble. Amy was so unlike Jeannie—tender-hearted to the point of not wanting to hurt anybody’s feelings. The entire second paragraph is telling. What information in that paragraph does the reader absolutely need to know for the current scene? Also, the first sentence in the paragraph is extraneous—you already show her directness by her line of dialogue. Here’s a better example. Jeannie looked Amy in the eyes. “So, tell m...

I have added a new service to my Story Sensei critique business! Screening Critique I now offer an inexpensive partial manuscript critique that you can choose first to find out if you’d like to hire me for your full manuscript. My Screening Critique is one of four options: (a) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript for $40. (b) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript for $75. (c) the first 3,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $60 ($40 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). (d) the first 6,000 words of your manuscript PLUS a two-page, single-spaced synopsis for $95 ($75 for manuscript, $20 for 2-page synopsis). After the critique, if you decide you would like to hire me for your full manuscript, you can send me the rest of your manuscript and I will give you a discount off the cost of the full manuscript critique—$40 or $75, or whatever the cost of your Screening Critique. The Screening Critique is a good way to determine if you like my editin...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She rocked back and forth on the porch swing. Her family had moved into this house when Daddy carried Mama over the threshold. She’d broken this swing a few times by jumping on it, her brother had dug a hole under the front porch, and her sister had painted flowers along the white-washed railings. The neighbors were friendly and the tree-lined street cool in summertime. Her backyard ran against a giant meadow that belonged to some development company. The second paragraph is all “telling” information about her family and her house. Does the reader absolutely need to know all that information right at that moment in the story? If not, then cut i...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She stared at the funeral wreath, full of white lilies. She remembered Daddy’s garden, thriving with lush red roses and golden daffodils. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about a remembrance. The question to ask is, does the reader absolutely need to know the information about Daddy’s garden right at that moment? If no, then cut it. If they do need to know the info, there’s a more active and emotional way to “show” it. For example: The cloying scent of the funeral wreath made her stomach heave and her throat gag. Daddy would have hated it. Lilies had had no place in his garden among the more stately roses and cheerful daffodils. It f...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She didn’t cry as Mama yelled at her. She had learned that tears only made her scream louder. The italicized sentence is “telling” the reader about her past experience. (Actually, the “as Mama yelled at her” is also “telling” and extraneous because you “show” Mama yelling in the previous paragraph.) There’s a more active and emotional way to “show” this. For example: ”How dare you use wire hangers?!” Mama threw one at her, and the edge scratched her arm. She flinched. She mustn’t cry. She mustn’t. She screwed her eyes shut, but a tear squeezed...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m doing this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She looked out at the high school. Three years ago, she’d been secretary there, and now she was secretary for the intermediate school instead. The second sentence is “telling” the reader about the character. This information is the kind of thing that could probably be more actively “shown” in dialogue. For example: (This conversation might be something that comes later in the story) He took her hand. “Why don’t you come work for me at the high school?” She pulled her hand away. “Nuh-uh. I already did that.” “Huh?” “I was secretary at the high school three years ago. Now I’m at the intermediate school.” “So I’m three years too late.” His flirtat...

From contest entries and critiques that I’ve done, I’ve noticed that often people don’t quite understand what exactly is “showing” and what exactly is “telling.” So, I’m starting this series to give numerous examples so that you can see for yourself the various kinds of “telling” that can occur in your own manuscript, and suggestions for fixing it. She had almost been kil—no, she had to stop thinking about it. Her hands shook as she cleaned up the spilled juice from the counter. She tended to be a little obsessive-compulsive, putting things in order, cleaning things up as soon as the mess happened. If anything was even a little out of place, she had to straighten it or she couldn’t concentrate. She used her fidgeting now to calm herself. Pretty much everything after the second sentence is “telling.” Rather than “telling” the reader about her personality, it would be more vivid to “show” it to them through her actions and thoughts. For example: She had almost been kil—no, she had to sto...

I'll be starting a new series on Show versus Tell next week, but if you have anything you want me to cover on any other topic after that, just post a comment here or email me through my profile.

Action tags can be great for conveying a character’s emotions without actually saying what the character is feeling. This is especially useful if you want to convey character A’s emotions, but you’re in character B’s point of view for the scene. ”You’re a bit red. Are you okay?” “Of course. I’m fine.” He sloshed his straw up and down in his iced tea, making a few drops land on the table. Obviously, he’s not fine, but he’s trying to make the character believe he is. “Mr. Carrisford?” A woman’s voice called behind Jerry and Sue. Jerry’s hand spasmed in hers. However, he didn’t turn around. The woman hustled up to them. “Mr. Carrisford?” She touched Jerry’s arm. He turned to her. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong person.” Here, Jerry’s hand spasming tells Sue something isn’t right, despite what he tells the woman. Take a look at your action tags in the manuscript. Do they do something besides tell the reader who’s speaking? See if you can make them convey emotion in addition to action.

Ideally, you should be able to tell each character apart from their dialogue alone, without any qualifying names. Each character’s sentences should be said so distinctly that a reader could immediately know that line is the heroine and that line is the hero. “Land sakes, Pastor Dave, what in tarnation are you doing with a gun? I thought pastors aren’t supposed to bear arms or somesuch as that. Do the deacons know you’ve got a firearm in your office? I don’t think they’d be very pleased.” “Mrs. Cauffield, I don’t have time to explain.” “Now wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. You’re not walking out of this office without some kind of explanation about why a grown man is heading outside with a gun in broad daylight with neither hide nor tail of deer around these parts, and hunting season months away. Pastor Dave! Come back!” Many factors can contribute to a character’s distinct voice: Sentence structure—some characters speak in fragments, others in full, proper sentences. Word choices—some cha...

Vary sentence structure so it doesn’t get sing-songy. “How are you?” “I’m fine.” “That’s good.” “How’s your mother?” “She’s just peachy.” “My dad arrived.” “Yesterday?” “Last week.” “How’s he doing?” “Enjoying himself.” Aside from the fact this dialogue as absolutely NO CONFLICT, the sentence structure is unvarying. Here’s another example. “I talked with the director yesterday.” He jerked his thumb toward the office door. “I hope that it went well.” Her eyebrows rose. “We got a lot accomplished.” He nodded enthusiastically. “Did you make a decision?” She raised her pen to take notes. “We decided to table it for now.” He shrugged and sighed. “Who will you hire?” She scanned her list of candidates. “It’s down to two people.” He raised two fingers. Here again (aside from NO CONFLICT), the sentences are all about the same lengths, and each dialogue line ends with an action tag. The dialogue cadence is the same for the entire example. “This is Felicia.” She adjusted the headset’s microphone...

You can use tags besides “said.” I know, some people would call that heresy, but it’s true. Now, that being said, don’t go overboard—you don’t want your characters mumbling, chirping, drawling, squeaking, yelling, and hissing all through your book. But an occasional action verb can add nuance to the dialogue by telling the reader how the line is said. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she hissed. Here, the character is trying to not let people know she’s upset by pitching her voice down but still trying to convey her displeasure. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she bellowed. The character has reached a point where she doesn’t care who hears her and wants the person she’s yelling at to stop whatever they’re doing. “If you keep it up, I’m going to smack you,” she sang. Here, the character is talking to a person old enough to realize the threat of her words even though the tone is sweet. In each line, the atmosphere and flavor of the dialogue exchange changes depen...

Where you put the dialogue tag can make a difference with emphasis and pacing. “Sure, I did it last week,” she said. She said, “Sure, I did it last week.” “Sure,” she said, “I did it last week.” Readers tend to pause slightly at the sight of a dialogue tag, whether they know they doing it or not. As a writer, you can take advantage of that pause to add emphasis or subtly impact the pacing of the scene. For example, if a scene is going a bit fast and you want to slow it down a little, a tag here and there can moderate the pace. A dialogue tag can slow the pacing of the dialogue, so it’s not just back-and-forth like a tennis match. Example one: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” “Is she doing okay?” “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell.” “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” “She took one look at me and decided I needed something to help the baby alon...

Use dialogue and action tags to eliminate confusion about who’s talking, but don’t use so many that they distract. Example one: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” “Is she doing okay?” “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell.” “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” “She took one look at me and decided I needed something to help the baby along.” This example could use a few more dialogue tags or action tags to help the reader understand who’s speaking. By the end, it’s getting confusing keeping track of who’s saying what. Example two: “Jenn is totally freaking out,” Trish said. “What brought all this on?” Venus asked. “Well, Aunty Yuki had a doctor’s appointment today—” Trish started. “Is she doing okay?” Venus interrupted. “Clean bill of health. Cancer’s gone, as far as they can tell,” Trish said. “So that’s why she’s taken over Jenn’s kitchen?” Venus sa...

I was honored to be part of C.J. Darlington's blog post series on "If you could say one thing to aspiring novelists, what would you say?" (I forgot to post this earlier when the blog post first came out.) My answer to C.J.'s question

I was over at Kaye Dacus's blog, where she asked me to write about writing Asian American novels .

You are a writer. You can think of a better way to describe your heroine than “sprightly.” Your town drunk can be something more original than “uncouth.” You can find a more unique way to convey the fact that your hero is “handsome.” BE ORIGINAL. And yes, I am yelling. I am the first person to admit I don’t always have original descriptions, mostly because I am not as gifted as other writers. But I TRY. Here, for your inspiration and jealousy, are a few descriptions I got from a friend who read Stephen Hunter’s novel, Hot Springs : ... a largish old man in a lumpy suit, beaten-to-hell boots and a fedora that looked as if it had been pulled by a tractor through the fields of Oklahoma, who seemed to do a lot of spitting. Her accent was sugar-dipped, like a fritter hot on a cool Southern morning, and he placed it as either from Georgia or Alabam. Camy here: Isn’t that just amazing? I feel inspired and ready to be original, myself.

A friend forwarded this website to me that gives a very interesting, visual take on emotions: The Nature of Emotions by Plutchik It's only two figures and they're pretty self-explanatory. I thought this might be a good tool for anyone working on writing with more emotional intensity or emotional subtlety.

Read other resources. My favorite point of view books are Characters, Emotion and Viewpoint by Nancy Kress, The Power of Point of View by Alicia Rasley, and Characters and Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card. There are also several online articles available. If you Google “point of view” and “writing” you’ll come up with a bunch. Here are a few to get you started: http://www.gailmartin.com/tips.htm#Seeing (short and to the point) http://www.sff.net/people/nankress/about.htm http://www.bethanderson-hotclue.com/workshops/whose-point-of-view-is-that/ http://www.wordplayer.com/columns/wp41.Point.of.View.html http://www.sff.net/people/alicia/artnarrow.htm http://www.pammc.com/pov.htm

Do not switch points of view during the scene. This is called “head hopping” and it marks you as an amateur. Yes, other multi-published, bestselling authors head hop in their own books, but you are a new writer trying to break into publishing, and you shouldn’t do it. In the current publishing business, head hopping in your manuscript will decrease your chances of being published, plain and simple. If you switch point of view, insert a scene break to indicate the change in character viewpoint. Some writers will write part of the scene in one person’s point of view, insert a section break, then continue the scene in the other character’s point of view. Then they’ll insert another section break, and continue the scene back in the first person’s point of view. While this isn’t “wrong,” I personally dislike this. It smacks of lazy writing, in my opinion. I think that a good writer should be able to write a complete scene in one person’s point of view without absolutely needing to switch...

Let the reader know whose point of view they’re in. You should clue the reader in about which character’s point of view the scene will be in as soon as you can. Preferably within the first three sentences. For example: “Move and you’re dead.” Maggie Somers lifted the .22 higher, trying desperately to keep her hands from shaking. --From Buried Secrets by Margaret Daley This was not the smartest way to die. USAF Pararescue Jumper Manny Péna grunted, tensed his muscles and tried again to flare the canopy on his parachute. --From A Soldier’s Family by Cheryl Wyatt Sophie heard God in every explosion of thunder as she listened to the awesome power of the approaching storm. But there was more. There was something coming—something more than rain. --From Petticoat Ranch by Mary Connealy In each of the examples, you know exactly who is the viewpoint character right at the start of the chapter. (You’ll notice that the first two examples show the characters’ full names, which they wouldn’t thi...

Decide whose point of view the scene needs to be in. Try to chose the character with the most to lose. This will ensure the scene is at its maximum emotional potential. For example: Sally is going to tell Billy that her four year old son is his, a secret she’s kept since he walked out on her five years ago. Whose point of view do you write the scene in? Sally has known this information for years, so her anguish is in finally revealing it to Billy and feeling his shock and anger. Billy, however, is about to be laid a bombshell. The emotional strain will be higher from his point of view, so write the scene from Billy’s viewpoint. Sometimes people will write a scene from a third party’s point of view for literary reasons. It has a tendency to mute the emotional reactions of the primary characters involved, and sometimes a writer will deliberately want to distance the reader from the emotional scene. This choice of literary device is up to you. However, for most popular fiction, stronger ...

Your character would only notice what you would notice. Do you notice the color of your hair on an average day? Do you tell yourself in your head that Lisa is your sister? Is it possible to consciously notice when you’re unconsciously looking at a cloud? Would you know at one moment that the next five minutes will bring you a promotion? Your character, going about his average day, wouldn’t notice certain things that are commonplace or actions that are unconsciously done. Don’t write what your character wouldn’t consciously notice to himself. Jennifer wouldn’t notice her own hair because she sees it everyday, so don’t write how Jennifer tossed her long, silky blonde tresses out of her face. (She probably wouldn’t even consciously realize she was doing it—do you consciously note every time you brush the hair out of your eyes? Do you consciously note the color of your hair every time you brush it out of your eyes?) Dave wouldn’t tell himself, “That’s my sister Milly crossing the street ...

Your character would only think what you would think. You don’t hear anyone else’s thoughts when you’re talking to someone, right? (Most people don’t anyway.) You can guess what someone else is thinking from their expression, body language, words or tone. Many times, you can guess pretty accurately just from these visual and audible cues. But you can’t really hear your friend thinking his thoughts. Neither should your character. Judy thinks Alvin is pompous and full of himself. She can’t hear his thoughts, so she wouldn’t know Alvin thinks Judy is irresponsible and flighty. Mary thinks, Charles just doesn’t understand me. She wouldn’t know Charles is thinking, I think I’m finally starting to understand her. So your reader shouldn’t be told this, either. However, your character can speculate on what the other character is thinking. Judy can tell by Alvin’s expression that he thinks she’s a dumb blonde. Mary can tell Charles thinks he’s starting to make headway, but he doesn’t know ...

So if your viewpoint character can’t see herself, how do you describe your character to the reader? Through other character’s eyes in other sections of the story. You really don’t need to give a full description of every character, all in the first chapter. I’m totally serious, here. If you start out chapter one in Amelia’s point of view, you don’t need to make sure the reader knows Amelia is petite, dark-haired, and sexy. You can save that for chapter two when Gaston finds himself attracted to his new neighbor, who is petite, dark-haired and sexy. Also, remember that your character won’t notice things that are commonplace, so she won’t toss back her long, ebony tresses as she walks to her car. She probably wouldn’t even notice what she’s doing. Instead, have the next scene start from Gaston’s point of view as his attention is initially caught by the sunlight glinting off of hair so glossy, it’s as if it’s made of strands of onyx. Using a mirror to describe your character is extremely ...

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The most important thing to remember about point of view is: You are the character. This involves several things. First: Your character would only see what you would see. You don’t see your face unless you’re looking in a mirror. You don’t see the color of your eyes. You don’t see when a flush creeps up your cheeks (although you might feel the heat). You don’t see how charming you look when you’re angry. You don’t see the flash or glitter or tears in your eyes. Your character wouldn’t see any of that, either. So when you’re writing a scene from a certain character’s point of view, only write what the character herself would see. Susie wouldn’t see the dimples in her cheeks, so don’t write about how Susie’s dimples peeked out at Jim. Frank wouldn’t see his hair, so don’t write about how his ebony hair shone in the sunlight. Audrey wouldn’t see her own eyes, so don’t write about how the candlelight made her eyes turn golden. Next post will be about how to describe your character to the...

First person point of view is from only one person’s point of view, and it’s as if the reader is really inside the person’s head. You can use past tense or present tense. Past tense: Eat and leave. That’s all I had to do. If Grandma didn’t kill me first for being late. I raced through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and was immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. I tripped over the threshold and almost turned my ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, I hated wearing heels. Present tense: Eat and leave. That’s all I have to do. If Grandma doesn’t kill me first for being late. I race through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and am immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. I trip over the threshold and almost turn my ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, I hate wearing heels. Many writers like using first person point of view because it feels more immediate, but it’s actually more diffic...

To help the reader understand multiple characters, you can switch the point of view character throughout the book, using one for each scene. For example, chapter one is in Karen’s point of view at the party. In the next chapter or scene, we switch to Cissy, the day after the party, hoping Hanson will call her. In the third chapter or scene, we move to Elena, picking up her phone and finding her fiancé Hanson on the line, flirting with some other woman. In the fourth chapter or scene, Karen is woken up with a pounding headache by her cell phone—it is her best friend Elena, who is crying that she thinks her fiancé Hanson is having an affair. Be judicious in how many point of view characters you use. Too many point of view characters is often confusing for a reader. For example, in Debbie Macomber’s Blossom Street series, her novels always only have four point of view characters. This helps the reader keep track of who is who, because the reader is dropped into the heads of only four ch...

Omniscient third person point of view was used widely several years ago and is still used sometimes in more literary fiction. It’s what it sounds like—an omniscient writer telling the reader what’s going on from their expanded, omniscient viewpoint. The omniscient writer knows what every person is thinking, what every person is doing. For example, in omniscient point of view, the reader would find out Karen is being bored to death at the bar by a computer software engineer while Cissy is near the water fountain, fluttering her eyes at Hanson, who hasn’t told her he’s getting married next week to the party’s hostess. Omniscient point of view has several problems. One, it’s not used these days in commercial fiction, so using it will often mark you as an amateur. Two, it distances the reader from the characters and dampens the emotional impact of the story. You want to show an editor that you’re up to speed on current publishing trends, and emotion is what spurs the reader to engage in y...

Many beginning writers are confused about the concept of point of view. I’m hoping this series of blog posts will help you out. After I finish the series, I’ll condense it into one blog post article. What is point of view? It’s the type of narration of a story. For the purposes of a writer, it’s easiest to think of it as the eyes through which your reader sees the scene. There is third person, second person, and first person point of view. First person is told from the character as the narrator. I’ll be covering that later. Second person is not used often. It’s the type of narration where the character is referred to using personal pronouns, which serves to make the reader into the character. I remember this type of narration in the Choose Your Own Adventure books. Third person is most often used. In third person, the characters are distinct from the storyteller, who is essentially the author. Most readers are familiar with third person, since most fiction is written in third person...